


Feathers On My Back.

by fandomismyship



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmate AU, Angst, Anxiety, Damaged Grace, Depression, F/M, Fluff, Graceless Gabriel, M/M, PTSD, Self-Harm, Tortue, slight sexual content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-12-12
Packaged: 2018-03-22 03:28:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 24,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3713155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomismyship/pseuds/fandomismyship
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Soulmates were tricky for both humans and Angels alike. When your soulmate was found, the Angel half would grow wings, and the human side would remain the same."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Where Are You Love?

Soulmates were tricky for both humans and Angels alike. When your soulmate was found, the Angel half would grow wings, and the human side would remain the same. It was pretty simple. Except, Angels had been traveling from the Earth to Heaven for many, many years, all looking for their soulmates; their other halves. When an Angel _did_ find their Mate, it was a marvelous moment. A small ray of light would surround them and wings would slowly appear from their backs, the sun making each feather shine in its birth. Angels of course had to take time to get used to their wings, it was an usual thing for them to have, even though most Angels were thought of to have their wings already, those were only the lucky ones.

Gabriel had spent a majority of his youth walking pointlessly around the Earth, hoping he would be able to find his own soulmate, but he had given up after a few hundred years. Looking for your soulmate could lead to heartbreak. Of course, humans were free to reject their Angel soulmates- not all could stand the thought of being with an Angel and they could simply find another human and be happy for as long as the love lasted. For an Angel, rejection lead to their wings being stripped from their backs feather by feather by Cupid himself. Big dumb baby, Gabriel always thought when Cupid came up. Why did he get his own holiday? He was a cruel part of the world to Angels. He was a great bag of dicks.

The less time Gabriel spent on Earth, the less he missed it. The thought of soulmates had left his mind after another five hundred years and he was happy to just be on his own- who needed a soulmate? Not him. That’s when Gabriel had become a Trickster, deciding to get away from the wings of happiness around him and take refuge in his own little world, whilst also playing with cruel humans emotions. A trick for the damned, that was how Gabriel lived. Gabriel’s tricks were only the best in the universe- he was able to make grown, ‘strong’, men cry with one simple trick. Okay, so maybe Gabriel was a _little_ cocky, but you would be too if you were as perfect at your job as he was. Yes, he may have messed up a little when telling Mary she was pregnant- apparently ‘God knocked you up’ wasn’t appropriate- but he didn’t enjoy being an Angel, not the way he enjoyed being a Trickster.

What Gabriel never expected was for Castiel, the only of his brothers who knew of his whereabouts, to turn up with _wings_. Castiel had a gorgeous pair of black fucking wings coming out of his back and Gabriel was hit with the fact he _still didn’t know who his soulmate was_. “You’ve been busy, Cassie,” he teased his brother, not one for taking out grudges on those who did not deserve it- it’s not like Castiel could control meeting his soulmate.

“It seems I have met my soulmate.” However, Castiel’s face didn’t show sings on happiness. Well, not that Castiels face ever really _did_ show signs of happiness, but he looked… Castiel sad.

“Might wanna tell your face that, bro,” Gabriel pointed out, smirking slightly as Castiel tilted his head. How did a brother of his ever become so lost when they all interacted with humans on a regular basis? Gabriel would never understand it.

A small huff left Castiel’s lips before he let out a soft mumble of, “I was not paying attention to whom I was speaking with.” Seriously, was Gabriel expected not to laugh at that? Was he really expected to be a well behaved hyper-sweet-addict? Well, even if he was, Gabriel ended up letting out a snort, covering his mouth as Castiel gave him his kitten glare. “It is not funny. I have spent so long looking for the one, Gabriel and I let myself get distracted.”

“Don’t you worry your little blue eyes,” freaking blue as the sky on a bright summers day, “we’ll find your soulmate, we just need to retrace your steps… but, I still don’t under how you didn’t notice who it was? It’s not like finding your soulmate is a skip of the heart, you grew freakin’ wings, Castiel.”

Castiel did appear to look a little ashamed of himself, and bashful. Well, at least Gabriel knew he could show other emotions that weren’t anger and… nothing. “I came across a man in trouble with his car, and so I went to a Garage but I spoke to more than one person at once and I had to leave before I could find out more. I couldn’t just sprout wings in front of them, Gabriel. I do not know if the human will even want me.”

“You gotta stop referring to them as humans, Cassie. Soon you’re gonna be down there with them, aren’t ya? You’re gonna be a human basically. You and your soulmate.” The older Angel walked from the kitchen and into his bedroom, pulling out a small brush before returning to his brother and handing it over. The brush wasn’t that special, just a golden comb with a blue glowing core. “Make sure you never lose this. You’ll need it to care for your wings now, okay?”

Castiel looked up with those damn blue eyes and Gabriel couldn’t help but roll his eyes, ruffling his hair before this became too big of a moment. “What about your-“ Gabriel clicked his fingers, leaving Castiel unable to speak. Dick move, he knew it, but Gabriel did not wish to discuss his lack of a soulmate. When he was sure Castiel would not continue his train of thought, the Trickster clicked his fingers once more and let Castiel speak, “I really wish you’d stop doing that, Gabriel. I was merely making sure you would not regret giving this to me, I know you made this a long time ago.” With a bit of his own Grace. It was a stupid idea made by a naïve and young Angel.

“You can put it to good use now, Castiel.” Gabriel closed Castiel’s hands around the comb with his own before he was alone once again. Castiel would be back soon and they would be off looking for the younger ones soulmate, a mission that Gabriel knew he would dislike greatly. Would he ever get rid of the soulmate aspect of life? Why was love that important to everybody? Gabriel would never understand the constant need humans and Angels alike had for being loved, for being liked and approved by one another. If you were happy with yourself, that should be all that matters. Nobody else is going to be stuck with you 24/7 for the rest of your life- that’s just you in the end. Gabriel shook the thoughts from his head and clicked a meal for one on the table before sitting down to have yet another lonesome meal.

* * *

 

The two Angels set out early the next morning, their search simple enough; go to the Garage and find the one who Castiel connected with most. Easy. Right? Except life as an Angel was never easy, oh no, not when you had the almighty God as your own Father! Someone willing to disappear rather than help, typical. Getting to the location Castiel had been wasn’t hard; Lawrence, Kansas. Except when they arrived, Castiel hadn’t a clue where they were suppose to go. He had been too concerned about the human apparently and soon Gabriel grew tired of watching his brother frown in every direction. “Come on,” he muttered, sighing as he tugged his brother to the _Harvelle’s Roadhouse_.

“Ash, get off yar ass and do something,” was the greeting they were met with from an older blonde woman. The man she was snapping at- business in the front and party in the back haircut- grumbled and pulled himself off the stool he had been peacefully sitting at with his laptop before saluting the woman and heading off behind the counter. “Welcome,” she said shortly to them, nodding her head before nodding towards an empty booth. “Feel free to just grab a seat and I’ll send my daughter over.”

“It’s fine,” Gabriel replied quickly, holding Castiel in place, the Angel was always quick to obey people without thinking. “I’m actually here to ask if you know of a Garage around these parts? One with a, um… an older gentleman with a scruffy beard, and another with bright green eyes.” Castiel rubbed the back of his neck as Gabriel spoke, wishing he had picked up more than that. “And another younger gentleman that my brother cannot remember the look of.”

The women gave them a kind smile, still putting Castiel on the edge, if his stance was anything to go by. “I’m going to guess you’re looking for Bobby’s place? _Singers Motors_?” That name seemed to click in Castiels head as the other nodded quickly. “What business have you boys got at Bobby’s?”

Gabriel noticed the way the mother’s eyes ran over Castiels wings and he stepped a tiny step closer to his brother, smirking. “Just heard there’s some rather good looking blokes there, us Angels do need to try and… what’s the word? Sample the product before we find the perfect one?” Castiel nudged his side and Gabriel laughed softly, watching the older woman take a second to look over Gabriel before rolling her eyes with a soft snort.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just don’t be making trouble here, you got me?”

“Yes Mam’!” Gabriel said, standing up straight and saluting her with a wink before he got the address from- Ellen, that was her name apparently- and made his way out of the dinner with Castiel trailing close behind him. “So, Bobby is the older one, and we can rule him out because Ellen said he already has someone tucked under his hood- she wouldn’t say who though, so that’s a mystery I want to solve. The green eyed boy is Dean Winchester, he’s a mechanic and the son of John Winchester, the former husband of the deceased Mary Winchester, whose family were Hunters.”

“Did she tell you all that information?” Castiel asked, a frown clear on his face and making Gabriel shake his head fondly at the other. “I was there with you, Gabriel, she did not give away that much information.”

“I knew who the Winchesters were, gem eyes. I just didn’t realise you’d gone ahead and become the _soulmate_ of the son of some great Hunters.” Gabriel nudged Castiel in the side and winked at him, chuckling at the small glare Castiel sent his way- seriously, he was like the grumpy cat.

“I didn’t chose to be his soulmate, Gabriel, this was chosen for me.”

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, little brother, I’m only teasing you.” Castiel went to open his mouth and Gabriel held up a hand to him, silencing what he knew was to come, “no, no I don’t think you actually wear panties, nor that they could get in a twist, Cas. It’s a figure of speech.” May his Father help Dean if Castiel was truly his soulmate, the man would be doomed to a life of explaining his jokes and accidentally offending his lover when teasing him.

The two Angels walked side by side in silence for the rest of the short journey, Gabriels feet scraping along the floor as he tried not to let his mind get flooded by the thoughts of the fact he still didn’t have a soulmate of his own. As the Garage came into sight, Castiel seemed to freeze and Gabriel took a few steps to realise that he was no longer along side his brother. “Cassie?” Gabriel turned around, a light frown on his features as he looked over his brother’s face and tried to figure out what was wrong.

“What if he is with somebody? Or what if he does not like me? Or if he is a really bad person and I still get my wings torn out?” The Angel looked at Gabriel with pure terror in his eyes and Gabriel found himself correcting his past statements; Cupid was a great _big_ bag of dicks.

“Hey, hey, look at me,” Gabriel said, placing his hands on Castiels shoulders and looking into his eyes. “I will _not_ let anything bad happen to you, okay? I’m an Archangel and the Trickster; I’d like to see Cupid _try_ to get past me.” Although Cupid could, if he went about it the right way, and Gabriel was sure his Father would lose it at him if he fucked up enough to kill _Cupid_.

The younger Angel blinked a few times before nodding, whispering a soft thank you before starting to walk towards the Garage again. As if Gabriel’s life weren’t odd enough, he seemed to have his own personal little brother. Castiel and him had always been a little family when everything went to shit (read: fucking Lucifer and Michael throwing hissy fits) and they’d just always relied on each other- neither of them could imagine it being any other way now.

Gabriel followed Castiel into the Garage, smirking slightly as he saw Castiel go a bright red as his eyes locked with a live action Disney Princes- okay, it was Dean, but he did look a lot like a pretty Princess. Maybe Dean was the male version of Rapunzel, maybe Gabriel should ask Dean if he has ever thought of Cospla- “and this is Gabriel,” cut through his thoughts and the Angel blinked slightly, holding out a hand to Dean and shaking his politely, looking over his body before smirking widely. “He is my brother. Well, I mean, all Angels are my brothers and sisters, but Gabriel is different, he has just always been there and it’s like we’re ac-“

“He never usually talks this much,” Gabriel rudely but love-life-savingly cut in, giving Castiel a small look before chuckling fondly and sighing as he sat back against the car currently sat in the Garage.

“Hey, hey, ass off Baby,” Dean scolded, making Gabriel move and giving the Angel a ‘I dare you to say something, dick’ look, which was his first mistake. Never challenge Gabriel to anything, not when tricks could be involved. Naïve people were his favourite. “So, are you the one who told Mary she was knocked up with little saviour?” Dean asked Gabriel, wiping a clothe over the spot Gabriel had sat on.

“Hmm, the one and only,” Gabriel said, his voice reaching into a small sing-song voice as he snapped his fingers behind his back and watched a dirt stain appear where he had been, one that refused to move, no matter how hard Dean scrubbed the bonnet of his precious ‘Baby’. “Better put Baby in the corner,” he mumbled, dodging a cloth thrown at him and letting out a loud laugh, ignoring Castiels scolding as he finally let Dean clean the car.

“I apologise for my brother’s behaviour, Dean. He is not used to interacting with people other than me and he forgets that he is not allowed to do tricks like that when he has no reason to.” Castiel sent a deep glare towards Gabriel, the man just holding his hands up in surrender before a chocolate bar appeared in his hand he took a bite out of, a small side-way smile on his face. “I do hope this has not changed your impression on me in anyway.”

Dean raised an eyebrow at the Angel and Gabriel couldn’t help but smile softly at the way Castiel followed the movement of the eyebrow with his eyes. He was truly in love with a man he had basically just met. “Dude, I ain’t got an impression on you. Well, maybe you’re cute, but those wings scream ‘taken’.”

“Well, taken, but not taken in the wa-“

“Actually, that’s why we’re here.” Huh, rude. Apparently Gabriel wasn’t allowed to help his little brother anymore, so he settled back against Dean’s ‘Baby’ and watched the interaction with a tub of fresh butter popcorn in his lap. “My wings appeared the last time I was here. They appeared because… you are my soulmate.”

Dean tilted his head, Gabriel snorting at the slightly constipated look Dean got when trying to process all of this information he had been handed. Oh, Gabriel would have _lots_ of fun when teasing Dean. Lots and lots of fun. “So, I’m supposed to be with you? Is that how it works? Or do I get to voice my opinion here, man, because, you’re cute and all but… I don’t know you.”

Maybe some humans really were just as scared as the Angels when faced with their soulmate. They didn’t feel it the way Angels did. They could either except the Mating, eventually be bonded and be together forever, or they could break the Angels very soul and reject their feelings altogether. Love was a cruel bitch and Gabriel didn’t know who to feel more sorry for- not that he should feel sorry for any of them. They could easily fight for a new path in- no, no, wait. Lucifer had tried to do that and he ended up in the depths of a massive fire with lots of BDSM shit going on in it. Maybe all they could do was be mindless slaves to their basic instincts and what they had been taught. Maybe.

Apparently Gabriel’s heads were stuck up in the clouds today, as he had, yet again, missed a large chunk of the conversation and Dean was currently writing his number on Castiels. Crap, he missed all the parts he could tease Castiel for. “Call me anytime, Gorgeous. We’ll grab a drink and see what happens.” And then Dean winked and even Gabriel could see the small shake in Castiels knees- okay, so there wasn’t an actual shake, but Gabriel could wish for something, couldn’t he?

Dean was retreating back into an office behind a counter and Castiel was walking towards him as Gabriel got rid of his popcorn and got down off the bonnet, smiling widely at his little brother. “Well, wasn’t that worth it?”

“Shut up, Gabriel.”

“Bite me, Cas.”

“I-“

“I didn’t actually mean it! To our Father far up above, give me strength, that Winchester better teach you basic human interactions before I lock you in a room filled with them.” Gabriel and Castiel went back to Gabriel’s ‘secret Bond location’ (because he was the best, yes Gabriel was) and Gabriel was left wondering just when or if he’d ever meet his soulmate. What if he didn’t have one? Cain never had one and look at how he turned out. Well, crap. Gabriel was going to turn evil, that was it, ding dong and the Trickster is gone. Gabriel only hoped the ding dong would never come.


	2. A Date of Gold.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel go on their first date and Gabriel gets a golden surprise, but is all as it seems?

Castiel had taken three days to phone Dean, all in which he had been freaking out to Gabriel and trying to decide where to ask the hum- Dean to go. Not human. He was human but he didn’t need to call Dean a human like that. When the Angel had phoned, they had set a simple date up; drinks at the _Harvelle’s Roadhouse_. It didn’t seem like the most ideal date for most humans, Castiel had discovered, but he loved it. It would go well with his awkward traits and give them a place to get to know each other without it being too much pressure.

That’s how Castiel found himself in a pair of black jeans and a nice button down blue shirt (“It goes with your eyes, Castiel.”) outside the Harvelle’s bar. Castiel’s wings were tucked up behind his back but he found them harder to control when he saw Dean. The man was in a pair of worn out jeans, a dark red button up that stopped mid-way on the top of his arm and showed off his arms spectacularly well. A twitch here, a twitch there and Castiel suddenly understood the power of ones soulmate. The Angel felt like Dean could touch him and he could pass out there and then if the man looked at him in the right way, the power coursing through his Grace would be far too much for his Vessel to handle. “Hello,” he finally bit out, after staring at Deans arms for longer than he had meant to.

“Hello to you too. Quite the change from that Trench coat I saw you in three days ago.” Dean smirked slightly and Castiel decided that Dean was teasing him. Gabriel tended to smile in the same manner when he was teasing him. “Right, we goin’ in?” Dean asked after Castiel muttered a small thank you.

“That would be a wise idea,” Castiel replied, following Dean into the bar and looking around. It was a lot more packed than it had been last time and Castiel shifted a bit closer to Dean, feeling his senses suddenly calm when he felt a bit more panicked. It was strange, Castiel had never felt… such pure human emotions this strongly. Maybe there was a lot more to this soulmate thing than met the eye. “Shall we sit at the bar?” he asked quietly, speaking into Deans ear and feeling the man give a small shiver before he was tugged over to the bar and made to sit on a stool next to Dean.

Ash, as Castiel remembers him from their last visit, was behind the bar, smiling widely at Dean as he sat down. “Winchester! Long-time no see, man,” Ash cried out, laughing after his own statement and shaking his head. “I’m too funny,” he muttered before his eyes landed on Castiel and the Angel sat up straighter. “What’s the Angel doing back?”

Dean put a hand on the bottom of Castiel’s back and the blue eyed being frowned as he relaxed into the touch and then Deans hand was gone and Castiel was just missing the comforting touch with all his body. They had told him it was intense for a while after meeting your soulmate, but he had never expected _this_. “He’s my date, if you must know. Am I gettin’ a drink or not, Ash?” Dean gave the other a look and Ash rolled his eyes, grabbing Deans usual before asking for Castiels and the Angel hadn’t a clue, so he looked to Dean who ordered him a beer. “Don’t wanna get you too drunk on the first date, that’d be irresponsible of me.”

Green eyes pierced into him and Castiel just stared back, nodding dumbly in reply before he took a sip of his beer and ignoring the weird liquid that rolled down his throat as he continued to stare at Dean’s face. The other man had looked away, his lips moving and forming words that fell onto deaf ears. Dean had really nice lips, Castiel decided- they were the perfect shade of pink and Castiel wanted to touch them. Except, he didn’t expect his fingers to follow through on the request and actually touch Deans lips. “You alright Cas?” Dean asked softly, his breath running over Castiels fingertips before the Angel nodded and ran his fingers over Deans jawline, pulling him towards his own face slowly.

Castiel had never understood kissing, he had never understood why two people would wish to swap their saliva with one another, but Castiel had never been kissed at that point and he hadn’t met Dean. When warm lips met his, Castiel felt his whole body react to it and he moved a hand into Deans hair at the other man chuckled softly against his lips, the sensation making a needy noise leave Castiels lips. _A first kiss with ones soulmate is the start a journey_ , Castiel heard ring through his head and he pulled back from Dean, his cheeks flushed a light pink. “A first kiss is how you tell if attraction is there or not,” he whispered, watching Dean run a hand over his cheek. “I did.”

“Yeah, I did too, Nerd.” Castiel couldn’t help but grin at the nickname, any words from Deans mouth made Castiel feel giddy and happy and so at peace with everything. The Angel couldn’t imagine somebody ever losing their soulmate, if this is what it felt like to get your soulmate, how strong must it feel to lose them? Castiel shook the thought from his head and focused back on what Dean was saying, both of them keeping one part of themselves touching the other throughout the night.

* * *

 

“Gabriel?” Castiel called out as Dean put his arms around the Angels waist, both of them considerably drunk at this point. “I don’t think he’s here.”

“Hm, more time for us to be alone,” Dean drawled, looking at the hallway and pulling Castiel towards the first room on the right. When he entered, Dean let out a snort, looking over the movie posters surrounding the room. “Your brother really likes Star Wars. A man with good taste, I see.”

“I’d really like it if we didn’t talk about my brother right now, Dean,” Castiel told him, sitting down on the sofa and pulling Dean onto it with him, smiling shyly at the other.

Dean smirked, leaning forward and kissing the shy smile away, pushing Castiel back down on the sofa and hovering over him. The man pressed into the kiss more, running a tongue along Castiel’s lips and letting out a small groan as Castiel opened his mouth and he finally got to explore the contents of Castiels mouth once again. Castiel tasted like beer and a small smile was on his lips and Dean loved it. They weren’t going to have sex, no, this was the first date and Castiel was his _soulmate_ , he couldn’t fuck it all up just because his dick wanted him to.

“Dean,” Castiel breathed into the kiss and _fuck_ , Dean would need a cold shower after this. Or maybe three of them. The man felt hands running up his chest and Dean nipped Castiel’s bottom lip, feeling the hands move over his shoulder and into his hair, tugging on it and Dean _moaned_ at the feeling.

“ _Fuck_ , Cas.” Dean let the kiss go on for what felt like hours, but was probably no more than ten minutes before he pulled back and ran a hand over Castiels cheek. “I’ve… fuck, Cas, I don’t wanna mess this up, okay? I want to take this slow and treat you right.”

“I like that idea, Dean.” The smile Castiel gave him made Dean’s heart skip a beat and he pulled himself up, helping Castiel sit up before pressing a small kiss to the corner of his lips. “Would you like me to take you home first?”

Dean nodded his head and got up, grabbing his jacket from the floor and shoving it back on. “Remind me to give Sammy his wallet back tomorrow, otherwise he’ll kill me.”

Castiel nodded at the man before taking his hand before taking him home, returning to Gabriel's and waiting for him to return home.

* * *

 

Two nights later, Gabriel was sat at home when he saw an unfamiliar wallet sitting out on the table and he grabbed it, opening it and looking through its content. There was a picture of a man with long hair- or at least Gabriel hoped that was a man, otherwise he had a long ‘forgive me, Father’ prayer to make. Again. When Gabriel found the drivers license, he let out a small sigh and rolled his eyes. _Sam Winchester_ , ten guesses as to how this wallet made it to his apartment. Gabriel was going to kill Castiel for letting Dean in here without him or his permission.

The man looked at the address, squinting his eyes and humming softly before he clicked his fingers and appeared outside a brown door, turning to look around the neighborhood and letting out a deep sigh as he realised that _twenty-six year old_ lived in a cliché family home. Gabriel shook his head fondly. “Love,” he whispered to himself, “will I ever understand you?” The Angel lifted a fist to the door and gave it three sharp taps before stepping back. Now, Gabriel wasn’t easy to surprise, it was pretty impossible to surprise him, but when the door opened and Big Foot came out, Gabriel was definitely surprised. “Holy shit, you’re huge,” he said dumbly, blinking his eyes before frowning a bit as he felt a weird sensation run up his back.

“Yeah, I haven’t heard that one before,” Sam muttered, shaking his head and looking at the shoter man with a raised eyebrow. “Sorry, did you knock on my door for a particular reason…?” Gabriel could only hold the wallet out, ignoring Sam’s reaction as their hand touched and suddenly a light breezed out of Gabriel’s mouth, a trail of what could be called fairy dust slowly forming in the air behind his back before bright, pure and golden wings were taking shape- ironic, the opposite of Gabriel himself. Heh.

A woman appeared behind Sam, a concerned look on her face and a hand on her baby bump. “Sam, honey, what’s happening?” she asked and Gabriel felt dread set in him as Sam just stared at Gabriel with wide eyes, the Angels wings stretched out to full length before all their eyes.

“Fuck-” was all Gabriel could get out before he felt a force pulling him upwards and the world around him went dark.


	3. Cupid's Prize.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cupid gets his hand on the Gold.

Coming around after whatever the fuck had happened made Gabriel’s head pound. The Angel placed a hand to his head, trying to use his Grace to fix the wound on his head that was dripping with blood, but he found he could not use it. Gabriel clicked his fingers, the sound echoing in the closed off and dark room, telling him he was well and truly trapped. There was only one person he knew could do this and he knew why he did this. “Cupid, you cruel and unsightly big baby, come out and face up to me then!”

 

“Now, now, Gabriel,” a soft voice rang out, a figure stepping out as light flooded in the room. “Is that anyway to speak to your own soulmate?” Gabriel’s eyes widened as Sa- no, it was _not_ Sam. It was a cruel power Cupid had been giving to remind each of his victims how alone they would be for life. What a cruel life the Angels had been handed. Gabriel had seen Angels end their own existent over being alone for too long, but Gabriel would never truly be alone. He had Castiel, and now Dean and a whole new family.

“You can’t break an Angel that doesn’t need a soulmate,” Gabriel spat out, trying to pull out of the cross Cupid suddenly forced his body into. “How fucking typical. Destroy their Graces just like Jesus was destroyed the first time. Original.” A feather was yanked from his wing and he let out a cry, the sound breaking off as scissors cut through the sensitive golden feathers and Gabriel shot his head up, crying soundlessly.

“You’re far too sarcastic for your own good, Gabey,” Cupid whispered into his ear, making his soulmates voice run through his body and making his body shiver and his Grace try to work and run to his soulmate. “I love you so much, baby. One day we’ll be happy. Me, you and Jess, she’s the pregnant one- oh, wait. You don’t fit in.” With that, Cupid brought down a large knife on the base of Sam’s wing and cute one off, the Angel letting out a blood curling scream as the limb hung from him before another swing made it fall to the floor. There was blood, so much blood and Gabriel knew it, he was just glad he didn’t have to see it.

“You- You won’t win… I don’t need any-anybody,” he told him quietly, feeling dizzy from the steady blood lose- he was not used to being so… human. “I have Cassie, and- and then I’ll… Dean! I’ll have Dean and his family too.”

Cupid let out a small snort, running his fingers over Gabriel’s neck, his Grace being tricked into believing it was his Mate and trying to react to the powerful feeling one apparently got with their soulmate. “Poor Gabey, gonna be all alone when he realises that Cassie and Dean will not want a grown Angel with broken wings hanging around them all the time when they start wanting kids.”

Gabriel shook his head, trying to ignore Cupid, even if what the asshole said made sense. Even if he was believing every word and feeling his feathers be plucked one by one from his other wing. Time went by, but how much was beyond Gabriel. Maybe it had been a day? A week? An hour? Five minutes? It had felt like an eternity to Gabriel. “Is it over?” he whispered, opening his eyes barely and seeing Cupid wiping a knife before him before looking to the side and seeing his other wing, holding back a sob. “Please let me go home.” The Angel gave the other wide eyes, trying to get to any good part that was left of the monster before him. Huh, even love becomes bad in the end. Logic.

“I have no need for you anymore, so I do not care what you do.” With a flick of his wrist, Cupid sent Gabriel flying- well, not flying, falling. He was falling so fast and he figured this was it. Maybe this is what really happened with the suicide in Angels, maybe it was all just Cupid. Gabriel closed his eyes, just accepting his fate. At least he didn’t become a monster.

* * *

 

Castiel had been sitting on the sofa alone, texting Dean, a small smile on his lips when a crash had sounded in the kitchen and Castiel jumped up, his eyes wide as he ran towards it, forgetting to check that it was nothing bad as he fled in. When he saw his brother lying there, blood seeping out of his back and large gashes up his back, the Angel had felt sick to his stomach, his head pounding. “Gabriel?” he asked, worry seeping through his tone as he ran to his brother and took his face, tapping his cheek and letting out a shaky breath. “Gabriel, please,” he whispered, looking over his body before running a hand slowly over the wounds that once held beautiful wings. Slowly, the skin seeped together before they tore open again. That made Castiel’s eyes go wide and he shook his head, whimpering.

The Angel sat with his brother, hoping he would awaken and trying to remember everything that had been told to him about Cupid. Why would his brother not heal? Castiel’s Grace was working. “Balthazar, I need your help,” he whispered, not knowing who else to turn to in this time. “Please help me.”

“It really is rude to interrupt someone in the middle of a party…” Balthazar’s voice trailed off at the sight before him and Castiel watched as he moved next to the other, looking at the blood with wide eyes. “What happened?”

“I… I think he got rejected. By his soulmate. The, um… the blood… his back, it had gashes and I- I closed them but… they wouldn’t- they wouldn’t close, Bal… Why won’t they close?” Castiel looked at his fellow Angel with wide, worried eyes, his hands shaking as Balthazar pulled them away Gabriel and picked the Angel up.

“Cupid,” he whispered, shaking his head and going through Gabriel’s draws, finding a First Aid kit below the sink. “I’m so glad he has humans here to sleep with.” The man sighed softly, Castiel watching as he opened the kit and slowly started to clean over the wounds, the blood still seeping out. “Castiel, go to a store and get me… get me needles, and something to close it up with. Cupid makes it harder for this to heal- it’s not mean to happen…”

Castiel nodded, moving out of the house and appearing outside a store. The Angel walked in and got what he had to, frowning as he realised he had no money on him. Gabriel was in need and his Father would just have to forgive him for his next action. Without paying, Castiel disappeared from the store and appeared back in the house, where Balthazar was now holding a towel to each wound, no doubt trying to stop the bleeding. “Quick, Castiel,” his fellow brother snapped, making Castiel blink out of his thoughts before handing the other what he needed and watching as he slowly started to close up the wounds by hand.

This was all too much for Castiel to take. Gabriel wasn’t the one who got hurt and couldn’t get through it. Gabriel was snarky, sarcastic and quick witted. Gabriel was strong, fast and good at avoiding traps and getting hurt. The fact that his brother was now needing someone to stitch his wounds up and was not waking made Castiel wonder just how much their Father cared for them. Slowly, Castiel felt himself losing hope. Demons weren’t the monsters, the ones who created them were. People and Gods alike would continue to lie to them all, they’d continue to act like everything was okay and every punishment was fair, but now Castiel knew the truth. Power made everything crumble and to fear the power itself was stupid, but to fear those who believed they had any right to use the power over others was how to avoid being overrun by greed.

When Balthazar was finished stitching Gabriel up, Castiel helped him bandage the man up and they took him to bed, placing him under his covers and tucking him in. “Lie with him, I’ll clean up,” he told Castiel softly, sorrow in his eyes before he moved away from the room.

“Please wake up,” Castiel whispered, climbing into the other side of the bed and getting under the covers, sticking close to him and using his Grace to ensure that Gabriel was in no pain as he slept.

* * *

 Castiel looked down at his brother with sad eyes, slowly finishing bandaging up Gabriel’s middle and laying him back, slumping down against the wall next to the bed sliding down to the floor, wrapping his wings around himself and letting out a small sob. To see such cruelty from something that had been given powers from his Father himself… Castiel couldn’t believe it. When had everything turned so dark? When did the hopes of the humans turn out to be the feared of the Angels? What had they done? They did ask to born, or to go through any of this, and yet here they were. Castiel was lucky though, he had his happy ending. He’d have Dean forever and they’d even get their own personal Heaven when the time came- unless Dean went to Hell, then… well, then Castiels wings would get the same treatment.

“Baby?” a soft voice asked him, making Castiel jumped a little before he tucked his wings behind his back and turned his head to look at Dean. His wonderful Dean. “Is he still not awake?” Castiel merely shook his head, not trusting his voice right now. “It has been a month… Don’t your Graces usually fix stuff like this?”

“He… He has had a ho-horrific thing done to him…” Castiel shook his head and hid his face in Deans chest, wiping his tears on the others shirt and trying not to sob. Castiel had to be strong for his older brother now, he had to be the one to protect and heal him- not the other way around. Castiel would do anything to protect his brother now.

He should kill Cupid, but Castiel knew it was far too risky and would more likely result in his own death. Cupid had been given more power than he should ever be allowed touch. Angels were useless against him when he could easily control their Graces and leave them unable to do a majority of things they could before. He was the only creature Castiel knew that could kill an Angel without the right blade. It terrified him. Cupid wasn’t in their love stories as Angels, no…Cupid was their Grimm Brother Tales and their nightmares.

A hand ran through his hair and Castiel let his eyes slowly drift shut, his Grace wearing thin from the amount he’d been using it to help Gabriel heal. Castiel had been tired and worn out, sleeping more and more and Dean had been _making_ him sleep, telling him it would only do him the world of good. Maybe Dean was right. Dean was always right… His smart Dean.

“Sam?” was the last thing Castiel heard before he drifted off into yet another deep sleep.


	4. Shadow in the Dark.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cupid gets a visit as flowers arrive to count down the days.

Sam had been staying over at Gabriel’s for three weeks now, worrying floating through his mind because of the pain he’d caused Gabriel. It’s not like he could of stopped it, but he could have done something to help Cupid realize that everything wasn’t as it seemed. Yes, Sam had made a vow to Jessica, to be there for her throughout her life, but it wasn’t in that way. Sam loved her with all his heart, but Jessica wasn’t the one he was _in love_ with. It had been a stupid drunken night that had led to Jessica getting pregnant, but neither of them had wanted to take it further. So when Sam made the promise to look after Jessica and their unborn son, he hadn’t expected this to be the outcome. He hadn’t even rejected Gabriel! How did Cupid work?

“I couldn’t sleep,” Sam told Dean, moving over to the bed and brushing a strand of hair that had fallen over Gabriel’s face behind his ear. “I just… I kept thinking about what he must have gone through. It must have been horrible, Dean.” The man kept sad eyes on Gabriel’s face as Dean shifted on the floor, holding his boyfriend closer, almost protectively.

“It wasn’t your fault.” That’s what Castiel and Dean had kept telling him, but Sam wasn’t sure. If he had not gotten drunk and slept with Jessica, there would have been no rejection on his behalf. Or if he had just told Gabriel quickly that Jessica wasn’t his lover, if he had just gotten out of his awe of Gabriel’s wings and told him he wanted to give it a go, then Gabriel wouldn’t have assumed that Jessica was his girlfriend and Cupid wouldn’t have taken him. “Sam, you should really get some more sleep. What use are you going to be to Gabriel if you can’t even keep your eyes open?” Dean did have a point there, but then what if Gabriel woke up whilst he was asleep? Then he wouldn’t be able to be there for the Angel.

“I’m fine, Dean. I just need some Coffee, or something.” Sam shrugged and ran a hand through Gabriel’s hair, wishing the other would wake up already. The sound of a coat dragging across the floor had Sam looking at his brother as the eldest brother picked Castiel up bridal style and nodded at Sam before leaving the room, leaving Sam alone with his thoughts. “What have me and my sperm caused,” he whispered, sighing softly as he lay in the bed next to Gabriel, being careful not to move the sleeping Angel. “Is it your Grace? Is that why you won’t wake up? I don’t understand why Cupid did this, he _must_ have known what he was doing, surely? Sam remembers younger Angels used to tell him, those who had come down to Earth and used their Grace to age as normal; they used to tell him that Cupid would know before an Angel did if they were to be rejected. So, Cupid must have known that Sam was not with Jessica- he still had dates, still slept with the occasional person. What was going on?

* * *

 

Deep blue eyes opened in the dark, a large smirk placed upon the creatures face as a match hissed in the quietness and light up the persons face. “Have you ever wondered if insanity is just a myth? If we are all wrong in the mind but society itself chose to give a normal thing an abnormal label?” The match moved out slowly, stopping just before a face. “It’s not like anybody can decide what normal is, and what abnormal is not.” A small chuckle rang through the room and the match went out. “Oh, Cupid, what an honor it is to be before you once more. What a… joyful experience it is to have watched you take on your most vile act yet.”

“I’m pretty sure you still owe me something,” Cupid reminded a shadow in the dark. “I helped you get him back, now hand over the money.”

“You know!” the smooth, Scottish voice suddenly exclaimed. “God! There’s your issue. There’s the issue faced by every creepy crawly under your bed, every demon willing to walk the Earth, every goddamn human stuck there and every single Angel stuck with a God. It’s not like God has ever cared, is it? Such a pity we are to suffer for such a… lifeless figment of our imaginations.”

Cupid let out a snort, the sound bouncing of the walls and ending quickly. “God is real, I can tell you that much.”

“I never said he didn’t exist. I said he was a figment of our imaginations, just as much as we are.” A bag dropped at Cupids feet and the creature moved forward, the light coming on as they watched Cupids eyes widen. “I’m much worse than the things of your nightmares, do not doubt that for a second. I do not wish to kill, merely harm. I do not want to watch everybody suffer, I just want to have fun. Gabriel’s torture was my fun time and you helped greatly.”

“Bu-But- no! You aren’t even possi-“ A finger lay over Cupids lips, the man slowly moving back and away from what stood before him.

“Do not hurt your jaw now. No need to talk.” And with that, Cupid was alone, left with his blood money and sweat running down his over-running head.

* * *

 

“There’s another one,” Dean muttered as he picked up the flowers outside the front door. Castiel had told him the first time they visited Gabriel’s home that a very select few knew of the location, so it must have been someone who knew Gabriel who kept sending flowers every day. It was always signed with _Imagine you’re better. It’s all in our heads, apparently. Sleep tight._ _~2._ They hadn’t discussed it much, When they discussed it, Castiel and him, they decided to take the notes out of the flowers, the numbers counting down making both of them worry and they didn't want to worry Sam until Gabriel was awake and well again. Dean just worried what would happen when the numbers reached 0. It was counting the days, no, it rarely had numbers on it. It had started at five and the last number had been there a week ago. When would it happen?

It took his dad two rings of the phone to pick up, music slowly turning down in the background. “What is it, son? Is everything okay? Has he woken up?” After his Mom had died, his Dad had taken it hard, going down the route of drink and self-destruction. It had been a hard time for them all. The period didn’t last longer than a year, after Bobby had dragged John to an anonymous group for alcoholics, making John face up to what he had become; a mentally ill mess. Dean did understand why his Dad had let it overcome him and why he turned to drink- we are all addicted to something that takes the pain away, after all. But John had been sober for the majority of Dean’s life now and he had gotten over his Mom’s death bit by bit- even going on a date or two. They didn’t last, but it was better than his Dad wallowing in the pain.

“No, we’re still waiting for him to wake up. I was just wondering if… I don’t know, actually. You are just usually able to fix things and I honestly don’t know if anything is even happening or not?”

“That makes about as much sense as your dress sense, Dean.” The jerk laughed at his own joke. “Look, why don’t you come here tomorrow? Yar Uncle,” Bobby was called their Uncle by them all now, he basically was, “will be here tomorrow and he will probably be more help if it’s Supernatural.” The Winchesters tried to stay out of the Supernatural stuff as far as they could now. They all had their own life’s, and this is what Mary would have wanted for them.

“Alright, Dad, thanks for that. I’ll make sure to bring Sammy, too. He needs to get out of here and stop blaming himself.” His big, dumb, brother… whatever would he do with him? They said their goodbyes, Dean making sure his Dad had checked up on Jessica (read: she always wanted ice cream and fish) before he hung up the phone and took the flowers to the living room, placing them next to the countless amount of others that littered the room before going back to lie in bed next to Castiel, worry leaving his mind.

* * *

Dean did as told, going down to see Bobby and his Dad the next day, his head spinning with worry over would was happening. The man had gone along, Castiel wanting to watch over his brother and Sam nowhere to be found- Castiel wouldn’t tell him where he had gone (“He’s a grown man, Dean. He’ll be fine.”) and Dean had stormed out of the house, deciding that alone was better. It would be nice to see Bobby and his Dad, he hadn’t gotten to spend much time with them since he took his holidays from work. When Dean arrived, an unfamiliar car (read: fancy ass suit wearing monkey car) was sat outside and Dean slowly made his way up to the house, looking through the window and raising an eyebrow as he saw a shirt on the floor. Messy Bobby.

As he entered the house, Dean head a faint “Robert” and he tilted his head slightly. Nobody called Bobby Robert. Bobby wouldn’t _let_ anybody call him Robert. The green-eyed man crept through the house slowly, stopping outside the study and looking in. A short man in a suit was sitting on Bobby’s desk, looking at the other as he fixed papers in his cabinet.

“I really don’t see the problem, Robert,” the stranger drawled, a smirk sounding in his voice. “It’s not like they’ll care who you like. You’re acting like a teenager with strict parents, honestly, Robert, live a little.”

“Shut it, ya Idjit.” Bobby turned to face the dark haired man and Dean moved away a little, watching as the stranger turned his head slowly. “What ya doin’?” Bobby asked, frowning at his companion before following his eyesight and sighing. “Didn’t your Da’ teach ya how rude it is to eavesdrop, boy?”

“I’m actually sure that Ellen taught me that, after I overheard her and a bloke.” Dean walked into the room and stared at the stranger, glaring slightly. “Not gonna introduce us, _Robert_?”

The stranger smirked and got off the table, fixing his suit before stepping towards Dean, holding a hand out. “Crowley,” he introduced himself before turning to Bobby again. “I’ll be expecting a phone call with good news soon, Robert. Do not let me down this time.”

“You’ll be gettin’ a foot up your ass soon,” Bobby bit back, Dean snorting a bit as the mans face dropped and Crowley’s smirk grew.

“You always were the best at talking dirty, dear. Let’s save that for the bedroom,” he suggested with a wink before leaving the house, not giving Bobby a chance to reply as he called out, “I’ll be waiting, Robert,” before shutting the front door.

Dean raised an eyebrow at Bobby and smirked a little, moving to sit in a seat across from his Uncle, waiting for an explanation and rolling his eyes as he got none; he’d find out soon enough, no point in rushing Bobby. Dean explained the situation to the other man, telling him why they were worried and making sure not to miss anything out (“I don’t need to hear about you kissing your man, Dean. Move on.”) and sitting back in his seat as he finished.

“I don’t know what you expect me to say,” was the response he got and Dean really hadn’t been expecting that. Bobby usually knew what to do. Crap. “These numbers could mean anything. Hell, they could be an inside thing, Dean.”

“Can you just ask around. Please?” Dean gave his Uncle wide eyes, putting on a rather childish pout.

“That won’t work, boy,” Bobby said, sighing the sigh of a tired and worn out man before he nodded. “Fine, I’ll ask about, but I ain’t promising a thing.”

“Thanks, _Robert_ , you’re the best.” That got him a slap on the side of his head and Dean rubbed his head, frowning at Bobby and huffing slightly. “Where’s Dad?”

“Working,” Bobby responded before looking up at Dean. “Well, get out of here and let me get to work. Some of us can’t just take holidays.”

“Love you too, Bobby,” Dean said with a smirk, getting up and nodding at his Uncle before leaving the house and getting into his Baby. Dean could only hope Bobby would find the answer.


	5. Flashback.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel wakes up.

Gabriel woke up with his little brother in his bed, Castiel was lying over his legs, curled up and gone to the world. “Idiot,” Gabriel breathed, trying to move and wincing a bit as his head pounded. How long had he been asleep? The Angel shifted again and that’s when he felt it; bandages. Suddenly it all came flooding back to him, Cupid, his wings… Sam. Sam torturing him? No, no, Cupid as Sam taking his wings from him. Gabriel let out a heavy sigh and shifted his legs a bit under Castiel, trying to see if his brother would wake or not.

“M’sleeping, Dean,” came a muffled, deep voice and Gabriel chuckled lightly, not caring that Castiel had brought Dean to his house. The Angel looked like he needed the help, he was _asleep_ , which either meant that Dean had made it a habit or that Castiel had been using his Grace to help heal Gabriel. _Idiot._

“He hasn’t woken up in an hour,” a voice came from the doorway and Gabriel looked over to the familiar sight of the Disney Princess. “You’ve been lazy, haven’t you?”

Gabriel smirked and gave Dean the best ‘you’re a fucking moron’ look he could before running a hand through his hair. “What can I say? Graces are more tiring than Twinks.” Gabriel winked at Dean, the mechanic rolling his eyes at Gabriel and throwing a chocolate bar at him, laughing loudly as it hit Gabriels face. “You’re ‘spose to be nice to me. I’m hurt,” Gabriel whined, faking a pout and snorting as Dean flipped him off. “How long have I been out for now?”

“Well, let’s see, I’ve been stuck here for a month and two weeks now.”

Gabriel winced. “Crap, that’s a _long_ time.”

“You’re telling me.” Dean looked at Castiel, walking over to him and covering him with his coat. “You’re the reason I’ve nearly gotten blue balls, dude.” Gabriel snorted at that, feeling a little bad deep down- Castiel deserved all the happiness, even a good sex life. Gabriel wondered if Dean was good in bed. He probably was.

“I apologize deeply for the misfortune of my rejection and torture,” Gabriel deadpanned, the Princess actually looking a little apologetic as he sat down on the bed next to him and Castiel and ran fingers through his Angels hair.

“How are you?” he asked, voice soft and his eyes moving to Gabriel’s golden ones.

“Tired,” Gabriel said, huffing slightly and stretching his arms above his head. “Otherwise I’m fine. I don’t really feel any deep pain and it’s like nothing even happened.” Except from that _damn headache_. Fucking Cupid. A noise from the kitchen made Gabriel snap his head towards it, shifting up the bed a little and swallowing thickly. “Who else is here?” Before Dean could answer, a body came running into the room and looked at Gabriel with wide eyes. Heart racing, palms sweating, Gabriel tried to act normal, not like he was trying to stop a panic attack.

“You’re awake!” Sam exclaimed, moving to the bed and frowning as Gabriel winced at the hand Sam moved to his hair. The man stepped back and looked down at the ground, looking like a hurt puppy. A big puppy, but a puppy none the less. “I’m sorry, we’ve just been waiting so long.”

Gabriel looked at Dean, the man giving him a funny look. “It’s fine, Sammy,” he said weakly, closing his eyes. _Cupid moved towards him, a Devlish smirk on his face and blood ridden scisscors in his hand. A hand gripped his wing and Gabriel let out a whimper, shaking his head, begging for the being to stop. Stop. Stop. Stopstopstopstopstop-_ “ _Stop_!” The Angels eyes flew open and Castiel stirred awake, rubbing his eyes before moving up the bed quickly and, unchacteristically, hugging Gabriel tightly. “Hey,” Gabriel whispered, a tear rolling down his eyes as his body shook.

“You had me worried,” Castiel mumbled against his shoulder before pulling back to look into Gabriel’s eyes. “I thought you’d never wake up… I’d be lost without my big brother.” Gabriel saw the pain and fear still in Castiel’s hauntingly blue eyes and he cupped one of the Angels cheeks in his hand.

“I am _never_ going to leave you alone. You understand, Castiel?” He got a nod back, but that wasn’t good enough for Gabriel. Not now. “ _Castiel_ ,” he stressed.

“Yes,” Castiel promised, hugging his brother one last time before moving away, sitting by Dean and taking his hand. Gabriel watched his brother and his lover stare at each other for a moment before he turned to see Sam gone, his heart sinking in his chest. “What happened, Gabriel?”

Gabriel turned his head back to his brother, looking into his eyes for a moment before turning his eyes downward and keeping them on his lap as he pulled himself up into a sitting position. “I saw Sam with Jessica, and… well, that was instant rejection. As soon as my wings formed, I was gone. I woke up, was… he took my wings, Cas.” Gabriel swallowed back tears, letting out a shaky breath and rubbing his face. “He used Sam. He fucking taunted me using my fucking soulmate! And even though I _know_ it was Cupid and not Sam, when I saw him everything just came back and Cupid fucking knew that’s how it would be. Fucking bastard wanted to ruin Sam for me in every way.” Gabriel snapped his fingers, watching Castiel and Dean disappear from his room before curling up on his own in the middle of the bed.

* * *

 

When Gabriel had all but rejected Sam even being near him, the man had left the room without a second thought. There wasn’t much he could do, was there? Sam understood if Gabriel never wanted to see him again, this was all his fault. When Dean and Castiel suddenly appeared in the living room with him, Sam raised an eyebrow at them, watching Castiel frown and Dean try to calm his boyfriend down. “Why aren’t you guys with Gabriel?”

“Seems he’s well enough to use his… Angel mojo.” Dean stroked Castiels hair, the Angel sighing deeply but calming down. Sometimes watching Dean and Castiels relationship was hard for Sam. All the man wanted was someone they each had, someone to love and someone who would love him back. Sam wanted the way Dean softly touched Castiel, the way Castiel would always seek Dean’s touch in times of trouble, and the way they would both look at each other like they were the only things in the world. When Gabriel’s wings had started forming in front of them both, hope had flooded through Sam’s body, and he had been stunned into silence. Everything seemed to fit into place in that moment. If Gabriel was his soulmate, which meant that they were meant for each other, that Gabriel was meant to find Sam no matter what. When he had suddenly disappeared, Sam had been confused;

_“Who was that Sam?” Jessica had asked him, a small frown on her face as she looked where the Angel had just been. “He… did he just grow wings on our front step? After seeing you? But wait, that means he’s your soulmate! Sam, that’s amazing.”_

_Sam turned to Jessica, confusion seeping through him as he looked over the others face. “Then why did he suddenly go, Jessica?”_

_“Well…” The woman looked down at her stomach, rubbing it slowly and then looking back up at Sam as realization ran over his face. “Why don’t you ask Castiel if he knows who the Angel was?”_

_“Yeah… yeah, that’s a good idea.”_

“Why did he react like that when he saw me?” Sam asked, watching Castiel shift uncomfortably on the sofa and sit up straight, moving his elbows onto his knees as he looked at Sam with that serious expression he tended to use.

“Cupid took Gabriel, as you know, and he took his wings- which you also know. What you don’t know, is that Cupid used your image whilst torturing Gabriel. When Gabriel saw you, it must have caused a flashback and made Gabriel… fear you.”

“Oh.” Sam looked down at his lap, wondering if he would ever be able to help Gabriel forget what had happened to him, or at least move on, or if they would forever be apart because of an assumption made and a love lost. “Do you think… Do you think he’ll ever be able to see me again?”

“I think with time, he will. The flashbacks and heartache will take time to Passover, Sam, but he will come to see that having you around is better,” Castiel promised, a forced smile on his face as Sam got up from the sofa and put his jacket on. “Where are you going?”

“Home. Can you take me, please?” Sam got a nod in response and he watched Castiel give Dean a small kiss before he took them both to Sam’s house. “Goodbye,” he said quickly, rushing inside and smiling at Jessica as he saw her, pulling her into his arms and holding her close.

“Woah, hello to you too, mister,” Jessica mumbled against his chest, chuckling softly before making Sam let go of her. The man looked over his bestfriend, putting a hand on the stomach that currently held their unborn child. “Are you okay?”

“Stuff happened. I’m just worried that this will all blow up in my face, Jess.” The man looked at her with brown puppy dog eyes, the woman rolling her before pulling him towards the sofa and sitting down.

“Go get Ice Cream.”

“I’m the sad one here, why do I have to get it?”

“I’m the pregnant one _and_ you have to look after me and our baby- you promised.”

“Alright, alright.” Sam caught Jessica’s smirk as he walked away and he chucked a pillow from the chair at her head before going to the kitchen and grabbing a tub of Ben and Jerry’s _Phish Food_ from the freezer. Sam grabbed two spoons from the drawer next to their oven before making his way back to the sofa and sitting next to his friend, opening the ice cream and smiling as Jessica put _Love, Actually_ on and settled back to try and forget what was going on and just enjoy what was going right.


	6. Starry Bliss.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel thinks over bad news.

“What do you mean it’s not going to get better?” Gabriel asked, his voice slightly louder than he meant for it to be. “I’m a fucking Archangel! I have more power than the majority of the assholes out there!” Balthazar and Castiel had spent two days in Heaven, trying to find out what had happened to the last Angels who had been taken by Cupid. “I can kill you both right now, with a blade that most shouldn’t be around, and I can’t even _heal my own Vessel_?!”

“None of the other Angels have ever come back from their injuries. Some tried changing Vessels and the marks just followed them, Gabriel,” Castiel replied, straightening up as he spoke and watching as his brother moved to his fridge and pulled out a cold beer. “I wish we could have come back with better news, but we cannot change what it is.”

A small sigh left Gabriel’s lips as he turned towards the other Angels before shaking his head. There had to be _some_ way of healing himself. The Angel just couldn’t stand having to see them every time he looked in the mirror. How would he ever find someone if he would have to explain why his back was a tattered mess? Gabriel couldn’t even stand to look at his own back, he couldn’t ask another to do that for the rest of their life’s.

“Gabriel,” Balthazar said softly, stepping towards his injured brother and looking into his eyes. “This is childish, and you know it. Nobody is going to care if you have marks on your back. Some have it a lot worse.” Of course someone would play that card; someone _always_ had to play the ‘it could always be worse’ card. “We cannot do anything more and you’re going to have to learn to deal with that. Castiel and I both have responsibilities. Castiel has a soulmate, for goodness sake. Let him go back to his life.”

“I don’t mind, Bal-“

“No,” Gabriel whispered, looking at his younger brother and smiling weakly. “Balthazar is right.” He was… Castiel was Mated now. If he kept leaving Dean behind, one day he wouldn’t have a Dean to go home to. Humans were as impatient as Lucifer once was (read: still is) and Gabriel wasn’t sure how long Dean would wait for his own Angel. “You need to move on, Castiel. You need to move on with your life and… look out for Dean. Go and be happy.”

“Gabriel, I want to stay and he-“Castiel didn’t get to finish, Gabriel just flicked his wrist and left Balthazar and him in his room.

“You’re doing the right thing, Gabriel,” the British Vessel spoke, his brother nodding at him before leaving Gabriel alone to his thoughts.

Was he really doing the right thing? Gabriel wasn’t sure anymore. Everything the man heard made him jump- he was more on edge than he ever thought he would be. Gabriel assumed that the Angels who had given up their own lives over this had been too lonely to go on, but maybe it was the fear of Cupid coming back and doing more. As secret as Gabriel’s location was, it was not secret enough to hide him from every threat he could possibly come face-to-face with.

The Angel moved into his bedroom, sitting on the bed and pulling the covers around himself as he sat back against the headboard and stared at a copy of Vincent Van Gogh’s [_Starry Night_ ](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/e/ea/Van_Gogh_-_Starry_Night_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg/1280px-Van_Gogh_-_Starry_Night_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg)he had received many decades ago. As Gabriel stared at the fine brush strokes, the swirls pulling him in, he couldn’t help but think over Van Gogh’s life. A man with great talent, a man who was a drunk, a man who was mentally ill, a man who was unappreciated, a man who cut off his ear and a man who took his own life. How could that be what one humans life came down to? How did someone as original as Van Gogh get remembered for a handful of paintings and the misfortunes of his life? Gabriel thought through the artist’s death, humming into his beer as he took another sip. _A man who feared himself_ , Gabriel thought, _so much fear that he took his own life_. Maybe that is what would happen to Gabriel. Maybe the man would bend so much that he’d snap.

_“Stop crying. I don’t see the point in pitying yourself, Gabriel. You caused this. You weren’t good enough to make him want you.” Hearing Sam’s voice used against him was horrible, it made Gabriel want to cry out harder but he close his mouth tightly. “There we go, sweetheart. Don’t want to tire yourself out.” A hand pressed over Gabriel’s forehead and the last thing he saw was a crooked smile from another being before everything went black._

Gabriel ran a hand over his face, wishing the flashbacks would stop and leave him at peace. Gabriel couldn’t bring himself to enjoy anything anymore. “Wrong,” he whispered to himself. “Everything is so wrong.” When was it ever right? Ever since Lucifer and Michael’s massive fight, nothing had been right for any Angel. Sure, Cupid was still up to no good before that, but Michael and Lucifer were quicker than Cupid to save those who had been rejected. Now, neither of them seemed to care anymore and the Angels were left to save themselves. “Selfish dicks,” Gabriel said to his empty room, letting the beer bottle in his hand fall from his grasp and smash on the ground before he burrowed below the covers and closed his eyes tightly. Angels may not need sleep, but Gabriel wasn’t much of an Angel anymore.

                                                                                --

Dean had been going back as Gabriel slept; checking for numbers in the flowers that still came. They were down to one now and Dean was worried about what was next. Would one be the trigger or would the sender wait until zero?

“I don’t see anythin’ Supernatural about this, Dean,” Bobby told him, pulling Dean out of his thoughts as the older man dropped a big book on the desk. “Are ya sure you’re not tryin’ to find somethin’?” An eyebrow was raised as Dean was looked upon with stern eyes and the mechanic shrugged, sinking down in his seat slightly. Bobby always made him feel like a kid again.

“It just seems off, Bobby. You have to admit that it’s… strange.”

“’Course it’s strange, boy. Strange doesn’t mean Supernatural. If we went with that theory, I’d never get to leave the Roadhouse.” It was strange there- well, there was strange people, but they were alright in Dean’s eyes. They were good company before Castiel.

“What if Castiel gets hurt?” It was a constant worry Dean was faced with. The man couldn’t imagine Castiel getting hurt, especially if he did nothing to stop it happening.

  
“He’s an Angel, Dean, he can protect himself,” Bobby pointed out, hearing a mumble from Dean and rolling his eyes. “Speak up, boy, I’m not twenty, anymore.”

“Ha, you aren’t even forty anymore, Bobb-“ Dean should have expected the hit on the back of his head he got for that, he really should have.

“Be nice to your Uncle,” John told his son, smirking slightly and sitting down next to him. “We’ll all be there to ensure Castiel doesn’t get hurt, Dean. You need to stop worrying and just worrying about pleasing your man.”

“Alright, I don’t need to hear about _pleasin_ ’ anyone from two men… past their sell by date.” Castiel had been a bit of a shock to his Dad at first. The man hadn’t expected Dean to turn out gay (read: bisexual) and he then was shocked to find out that Dean had been with men before Castiel came along. After the initial shock, Dean had made John calm down and they’d talked it all out, and everything was as normal as it could be for the Winchesters.

“How do you think I made you, boy?” John asked, raising an eyebrow as his smirk grew, Dean flipping his Dad the finger and frowning as John let out a laugh back at him. Jerk.

A cough from behind them made all men shut up, and their attention was shifted to the short man in a suit. “Sorry to spoil your fun, boys, but I need to speak to Robert.”

“We’re busy.” The look Bobby gave Crowley back made Dean tilt his head at the man as he looked between them.

“I don’t care what you are, Robert. This is important,” the other man said lowly, his eyes seemingly turning red before Dean looked at the beer in his hand and put it aside. That was enough beer for the day.

“This is important too,” Dean interjected, glaring at the short man and sighing as Bobby got up. “Bobby, what ya doin’?”

“I’ll be two minutes,” he told Dean before following Crowley out of the room and up the stairs.

“Do you know who the hell he is?” Dean asked as the others left, looking at his Dad and seeing a small smirk on his face. Did the man ever stop smirking? “You do!” Dean accused, moving his chair closer to his Dad’s.

“He brings his car into the shop sometimes. He always stays and flirts with Bobby, it drives him mad. One time he hit his head off the bonnet of a car he was checkin’ under ‘cause Crowley touch his ass.” John snickered and took another sip of his beer.

“Huh,” Dean muttered, nodding slowly and looking towards the stairs before shaking his head as his face screwed up. He would _not_ think about Bobby… doing those things with anybody. “I actually should get goin’. I need to check in with Cas, he’s been a bit down since Gabriel kicked him out of his house.”

“Be careful,” John told him, nodding at his son and turning around to sit back and wait for Bobby.

“Don’t fuck whilst Dad’s in the house!” Dean yelled up the stairs, laughing as he heard a ‘bloody idjit’ following a loud bang before heading to the door. “See ya all later!” he called out, letting the door shut behind him before heading to the door, all thoughts of the numbers out of his mind.


	7. Is Short Okay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel gets a visit that makes his mind up once and for all.

It took Sam another two weeks to return to Gabriel’s, and the Angel wasn’t in a good condition. His scars were not healing at all, and his mind was constantly overworking and making him on edge. Castiel had stayed with him on the occasions he was allowed and he would always end up in Gabriel’s room and holding his brother close as the Angel cried out for somebody to stop. Things seemed to settle down after a week, but Gabriel had just learned to hide it better. When he felt anxious, he’d pop a sucker in his hand and distract himself. When he had a nightmare and woke up in a pool of sweat, he’d take a shower and then make himself forget about it. When he… accidentally smashed a glass on his head when he had a panic attack, he healed himself and went on as normal. Eventually. When Sam walked in? Gabriel didn’t know what to do. His palms got more sweaty, his eyes cast downwards as he took deep breathes, trying not to let panic overflow him as he tried to raise his eyes to look at Sam, but he couldn’t.

“How are you feeling?” Sam asked softly and Gabriel shrugged, rubbing his hands together and rocking slightly on the sofa, his foot tapping as nerves set in, his eyes darting about the floor.

“Fine,” he said weakly, hearing footsteps slowly get closer to him before knees were inches from his and Gabriel guessed that Sam was sat on the varnished, brown table across from him.

“Gabriel, look at me,” Sam told him, Gabriel frowning slightly before slowly raising his head and- _holy shit_. The Angel slowly raised a shaking hand and ran his hands through the strands of hair before him, tilting his head in confusion as he looked into blue eyes.

“You-“

“Wait,” Sam told him, moving a hand up and taking Gabriel’s in his, looking down at their hands joined and smiling, something that made Gabriel’s stomach flip. “I want to try and make this work. I know… I know how important soulmates are to Angels, and I also know that soulmates are soulmates for a _reason_. They’re just meant to be. _We’re_ meant to be. I can’t promise I’ll always get it right, or that I’ll be the best boyfriend in the world, but… I want to be here for you.”

Gabriel tried to process it all, looking into the coloured contact lenses Sam had on before sitting back slightly, pulling his hands back. Sam had a wife… a pregnant one. “You’re with someone. You have a _kid_ with someone.”

Sam raised his eyebrows and he shook his head, Gabriel raising an eyebrow back at him. “No, no, no! No, Gabriel, I thought Cas’ might’ve told you… I’m not with Jess. It was a drunken mistake. Neither of us wants the other. I didn’t even reject you, I just made a promise to Jess that I’d always be there for her and our son, but… not like that.” _What_?

“So, you didn’t reject me?”

“Not in anyway.”

“You didn’t not want me?”

“I didn’t know what to think. There wasn’t much time to think, was there?”

And that was the bottom line of it all. Sam hadn’t even gotten a chance to tell Gabriel he didn’t want him- which wasn’t even true. What the hell had Cupid done to him? The stupid creature had cheated him of his wings. Anger settled in Gabriel’s stomach and he clenched his fists up. “I’m going to fucking kill him,” he growled, flinching as hands rested on his before looking at Sam and slowly calming down. “Did you cut your hair short and dye it light brown for me?”

“There had to be some way for me not to look like… he did.” A shy smile spread over Sam’s lips and Gabriel shook his head fondly, looking down at his lap. “Is it good enough? I mean, you don’t… not like me now, right?”

Gabriel hadn’t a clue. The sight of this Sam didn’t make him repulse as much, it made him feel slightly calmer and the soulmate bond was still there, now that Sam was giving his consent for it to happen. Every touch made Gabriel feel good, made all the bad thoughts lay back in his mind and let him forget about all his worries for the moment. “I’m still physically attracted to you,” Gabriel settled on, realising Sam was still waiting for an answer.

“That’s something,” Sam said, his smile growing on his face, and wasn’t he a big and overgrown puppy. Gabriel stood up and tapped Sam’s short hair, forcing a bright smile on his face. “I need to call someone. Mind coming back tomorrow, Kiddo?”

“Sure,” Sam said, standing up and pressing a quick kiss to Gabriel’s cheek before leaving. The moment the door closed, Gabriel had his hand on his cheek and he frowned at the door before shaking his head. He didn’t have time for that. The Angel needed someone who knew Cupid, who would know how he operated and there was only one person he could think of; “Metatron, get down here. Please.”

Usually, Gabriel wouldn’t get a reply, but the Archangel knew that Metatron wouldn’t be able to resist seeing Gabriel this down after Gabriel mocked his stories for so long. “Well, Gabriel, isn’t this a pleasant surprise?”

“About as pleasant as my visit with Cupid,” Gabriel deadpanned as he set his eyes on the shorter man.

“Is that why I’m here?”

“Yes.” Gabriel didn’t want to waste time, this was far too important. “What do you know about Cupid?”

“Other than the fact he’s a big baby?” Metatron asked, laughing at his own comment before pulling a loose thread off of his navy blue cardigan. “There is more than one, but they just collect it for the one you met. The main Cupid. They are, um, they’re all loyal to him, lets put it that way.”

“How does he know when an Angel has been rejected?”

“Cupid knows the exact moment anybody will meet their soulmate. He’ll have somebody on stand by and the moment they meet, he’ll have them determine the outcome.”

“How do they determine it as a bad outcome?”

“You should know, you’re the wingless one.”

Gabriel rolled his eyes and stepped closer to Metatron, shoving him against the blue wall and holding onto his neck. “Do not push me, Metatron. You should know better than to anger a broken Archangel.”

“Broken? No wings doesn’t make you broken.” Metatron ran his eyes over Gabriel before letting out a small and curious noise. “He scares you now.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Gabriel snapped, a vase smashing and throwing flowers onto the ground and the table, water slowly dripping down onto the cream carpet the brown table stood on. “Just tell me what the queue for them to take an Angel is.”

“Usually the Cupid will wait until they have a no from the other side of the party.”

“Usually?”

“Even Cupid can be bribed into doing others dirty deeds.”

Gabriel turned to look at Metatron again and frowned deeply, shaking his head. “Could that have happened to me?” he asked, his voice wavering slightly.

“You didn’t get a direct no. Did you?”

“No.”

Metatron stepped towards Gabriel slowly and looked him up and down. “And that human- Winchester, wasn’t it? He came back here and told you he wanted you.” Gabriel could only nod in reply. “Who, oh who, would anger the Trickster himself? You have many enemies, Gabriel. You and I both know that.”

It was true. Gabriel had made many, many people, Angels and Demons alike pay for their misdeeds. Never did Gabriel think that someone would seek such a… harsh revenge on him for it. “Can you find out who did it?”

“Probably,” Metatron replied, shrugging slowly as a smirk ran across his face and settled there. “But I won’t,” was all he said before Gabriel was left alone in the room, his own voice yelling the others voice.

“Fucking arsehole!” Gabriel screamed, raising his hands and making all the vases in the room smahs before he took a deep breath. “I’m done hiding,” he told himself, grabbing his coat and the only Angels blade he dared carry. “Time to end this, once and for all.”


	8. Bleed Blue, Royal  Angel.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hello, Father dearest."

The first step in finding Cupid’s location was finding Michael and convincing the first born Archangel that he was only going to do good. “I promise I won’t hurt him, Michael,” Gabriel told him, looking around the white halls of Heaven and stepping closer to his brother. “I need to know why he did it when I had not been rejected properly.”

Michael looked at his brother, showing no signs of wanting to tell Gabriel where Cupid was now. “How do I know you won’t betray me and harm him?”

“I’m not asking you to trust me. I’m asking you to help me, as your brother.” Gabriel knew his expression would have gone from cold to pleading, but he was desperate at this point. If he was ever going to get revenge on Cupid, he knew that Michael was the only one who could possibly help him.

“You have hardly viewed any of us as your siblings, Gabriel. You left Heaven, and you left us all behind with that.”

“I left because of the way everything was going. You and Lucifer ruined Heaven for the rest of us, Michael.”

“And so you resided on Earth? Became the Trickster. Look where that got you.”

Gabriel took a deep breath, his expression turning solid and angry as he stepped towards his brother, his Angels blade slipping down his sleeve before he held it against the taller man’s neck. “Do not test me, Michael. I have had my wings taken from me and I don’t get another chance with that, and my soulmate wants to date me. Cupid fucked up and I want _answers_.”

Michael looked into Gabriel’s Whiskey eyes before nodding, the younger Archangel stepping back and letting his brother go. “I will assure that you appear right where he is, brother,” Michael said, raising his hand and clicking his fingers before Gabriel was transported back to the room in which Cupid had tortured him.

 _Fuck_.

Gabriel took a deep breath, determination in his eyes. _I will not let him win_ , he thought to himself, his grip tightening on the Angels blade. “Stop,” he said with stern and steady a voice as he watched Cupid raise a knife to a tied up Angels wings. “Do not touch them.”

“Gabriel, I do not have time for this,” Cupid told him, turning to look at the Archangel. “What good is it coming here? You know your powers are useless in here.”

“My powers may be, but my body is still as strong.”

“Humans can’t match up to me.”

“You’re an Angel, just like the rest of us, Cupid. Your powers must be useless in here too.”

“I’m not dumb,” Cupid said as he moved forward, shoving Gabriel out of the room and into another, slamming the door to that one shut and locking it.

“Cupid! You coward!” Gabriel yelled before taking in his new surroundings. The room was small, a flickering light bulb above his head, displaying the concrete floor and solid, metal walls. In corner a door was open and a body walked through, causing Gabriel to hold his blade up. “Who the hell are you?” he asked, looking over the, rather short, teenager before him. The boy couldn’t have been older than seventeen, his eyes bright, a mop of golden hair curling at the tips on the top, a sharp jawline and average sized nose.

“It’s not shocking you don’t know,” came the, Scottish, reply. Why would Gabriel potentially know some random human? Why the hell was a human even here? How did a human get here when most Angels didn’t know where Cupid lay? “And there goes the look of confusion.” The smirk that spread over the boy’s lips made Gabriel shiver and step back, his knuckles white from the strength of his grip on the knife.

“Wh-Who are you? I don’t understand.”

“Aw, don’t hurt your hand trying to figure it all our, father dearest.”

Father dearest? Father? Gabriel stared at the kid with wide eyes and slowly relaxed his grip on the knife. He could see it, his Vessels projection in the other kid and the small, broken bound between them suddenly hit him. “You’re my son?”

“Aren’t you smart?” the other drawled, moving forward into the middle of the room and looking at the blade in Gabriel’s hand. “Can you put that down, please?”

Gabriel hesitated for a moment, knowing he could regret the discussion but placing the blade into his coat slowly. “What’s your name? Who is your Mom?”

“Like you’d remember her,” the boy spat out before running a hand through his hair, his black hoody riding up and showing a flash of a scar along his hipbone. “It doesn’t matter, she’d dead. And my name is James. Such a normal name.” James sighed, making Gabriel step back yet again. The boy seemed to have no emotion over his mother’s death- or anything at all. Of course his son would turn out to be psychopathic.

“Why and how are you here?” That seemed like the only reasonable Gabriel could ask in a moment like this.

“I’m here to finish my little deal with Cupid.” James pulled a small bottle out of his pocket and opened it, chucking it in Gabriel’s face before the Angel even had a moment to think. The world went black as Gabriel heard a small and chilling laugh leave James’ lips.

                                                                             --

Having his father before him after seventeen years of absence made a small thrill run through James and he looked down at the unconscious lump on the floor, moving closer and kicking his stomach. “That’s for never coming back,” he told him before moving into the other room, pulling a table back in with him.

“Revenge is just something I need to do, Daddy,” he said, keeping his tone sweet and innocent before snickering at himself, dragging the body up and onto the body with a little bit of struggle. “Someone needs to lay off the sweets,” he mumbled, rolling his eyes before starting to tie the Archangel to the table as he hummed _Teenage Dream_ by Katy Perry under his breath.

When everything was done and Gabriel was definitely not getting off the table, James looked over him and tilted his head, stopping his humming. “I didn’t want to do this, I really didn’t. You see, I don’t care what happens to anybody. My mother, she was useless and she had to go. But I have a little sister, Paps, and she deserves the world and you should have given it to her.” The boy pulled the Angels blade out of Gabriel’s shirt before tearing his shirt open with it, pressing the blade into Gabriel’s stomach and making small cuts, things he knew would scar as he smirked.

It felt powerful to hurt the Archangel. The boy knew how powerful his father was from his mom, before he strangled her, and he knew that him winning this battle would prove that being human didn’t make you weak at all. He was the strongest of them all. A bubble of excitement ran through James and he moved his blade up, ready to cut into his father before he froze. No. No, that would be so boring. Why should he kill his Dad and let him get away with the years of suffering he caused his little sister? No. James would show Gabriel how it felt to be a weak human, one who wasn’t as smart or heartless as he was.

The boy opened the room into Cupids torture chamber with a key he had taken, looking at the man and raising an eyebrow. “Are you quite done?” he asked, leaning against the door and biting his bottom lip as Cupid jumped and changed from the female he was pretending to be before walking up to the boy.

“What do you want?” The fear was so clear the James that he couldn’t resist running the bloody blade over Cupids chest, the Cupid freezing and shaking in his spot.

“I want his Grace to be hidden,” James told him, moving back through to the room and watching Cupid pull out a small tube. “I want him to suffer.”

James ran the blade along Gabriel’s throat, watching his Grace seep out and go into the tube before taking it from Cupid, capping it up and tucking it into his hoody pocket and smirking widely. “I win,” he said before leaving one last scar along Gabriel’s hip. “Get rid of him, I don’t want to see him anymore.”

James let Cupid put Gabriel back on Earth as he ran the edge of his hoody over the blood ridden blade, clearing the mess from it before looking at his reflection in it as he held it up. “Why is it always scary for a Supernatural creature to be faced with a human who can out do them? It seems rather stupid. Most humans eventually get over being scared of the monster under their bed, of the movement in the corner of their eye. We all have to grow up and realise we’re smarter than the monsters someday. I’m just glad I sped up the process.” The boy turned to face Cupid, tilting his head as he smirked widely. “I’m sorry, but I can’t have anybody blabbing on me.”

“Don’t!” Cupid yelled, raising his hand but clenching his fist up as the blade went through his chest and blue exploded from him, the harsh sound of James laughter the last thing he heard before his body slumped to the floor.

“It’s such a shame; I know they’ll just replace you.” The boy heard a whimper from the other room, remembering the Angel that lay in there before he slowly walked through, his black boots making his steps sound heavier on the concrete. “You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time,” he told the woman before pushing the blade through her stomach, closing his eyes before sighing softly. “Such a mess,” he tutted, wiping the blade on his hoody again before heading through to the other room, stepping over the Vessel Cupid had occupied before going into the little room next door.

“That was impressive,” a voice said, slowly clapping and stepping out of the corner, smirking at the boy. “So very impressive.”

“Who the hell are you?” James asked, holding the blade up at the old- seriously, why weren’t there any young and fit people around here?- man before him, his eyes narrowed.

“I’m Death, nice to meet the boy who has brought me quite a few souls.” The man raised the stick in his hand, pushing James hand with the blade down before shaking his head. “Don’t worry, boy, I’m not here to kill you.”

“Then why are you here?”

“To make a deal.”

“What deal?”

Death stepped towards James and clicked his fingers, returning James to Heaven and next to his sister. “You continue to bring me souls and I’ll continue to let this little one live.” The man ran the stick along the six-year-old girls cheek and chuckled as James pushed it away. “The choice is yours,” he said before disappearing, leaving James to hold his sister close and ignore the giddy feeling the offer brought him.


	9. The Fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to publish this now.  
> I'll be updating when I can!  
> I will try to update every night, if not then I will set Wednesday as my day that this will be updated.  
> Please bare with me if you actually read up to here and liked it!  
> I do hate publishing before it's finished- which I am guilty of having done and I was determined to finish this first but some people wanted to read it, oops!  
> My tumblr is bilbowatsonholmes if you wanted to know! :)

Gabriel tended to take holidays and disappear for a few months, so Castiel didn’t think much of it when he had gone to Gabriel’s and he was gone. However, after speaking to Sam and discovering what had happened, Castiel wasn’t so sure that Gabriel had merely gone on holiday. Why would the Angel go after his soulmate had confessed his love? Maybe it had scared his brother off. Castiel doubted it. That’s why it took Castiel three days to find his brother. Dripping with blood. Again. Except, something was very wrong this time. The Angel could not feel his brothers Grace at all. “Gabriel?” he asked in a small voice, shaking his brothers shoulder and trying to wake him, but the Angel would not stir. “Gabriel, please. Not again.” Panic flooded through Castiel yet again and it didn’t take long for Balthazar to turn up. “How-“

“I’ve been keeping a line open with you both. I was worried when my line to Gabriel weakened. Something happened, didn’t it?” Castiel could only nod in reply and watch his fellow brother move closer to them before running a hand over Gabriel’s forehead, healing him and closing his eyes for a moment. “No Grace,” he whispered, not believing what was before him.

“Who would have done this, brother?” Castiel stared at Gabriel, not able to move or think logically. Was this the pain that humans felt without a problem? Castiel did not understand true pain until now. Gabriel was human and sitting, passed out before him. After the last time… Castiel wasn’t sure he could stand this again. “Wake him.”

“We really shouldn’t do that, Castie-“

“Wake. Him.”

“You’re not thinking logically! You’re angry and you’re going to push his body too far. We cannot force the human body to do more they can.”

“We can fix him no bother, and we kill our Vessels hosts.”

“They say yes.”

“And they have to die, go to the back of our minds, for it. We have no place to speak.” The Angel was standing now, next to Gabriel’s bed, where he had found him. Balthazar knelt on the bed and sighed softly, waking Gabriel up and Castiel relaxed as the Ang- human? Whatever he was, woke up.

“Wh-What happened?” Gabriel breathed, sitting up and feeling a hand try to push his shoulder down. “Cupid? No! You… James… don’t!” Golden eyes looked rapidly around the room and Castiel put a hand on Gabriel’s other shoulder, hoping to calm his brother enough that he could explain what had happened. “Cas? Bal? What are you guys doing here?”

“We are wondering the same, Dear,” Balthazars soft tone would calm anybody, but Gabriel’s eyes remained wide and frightened. “What happened?”

“I… I was going to see Cupid-“

“How did you find Cupid?” Balthazar asked before Castiel hit his arm. How could he interrupt him at a time like this? “Sorry, continue.”

“It’s fine… I asked Michael and he told me where he was. I, um… I went there, and there was this kid. James- my kid!” Gabriel had a kid? Castiel couldn’t believe everything that was happening right now. “He said I… He killed his mom and he- he hated me. I don’t know what I did wrong to him! I didn’t even know about him. I, um, I don’t remember after that, I passed out…”

“He doesn’t know,” Balthazar whispered to Castiel, Gabriel’s eyebrow raising as Balthazar gave Castiel the me or you look. Who would tell Gabriel, right.

“Gabriel,” Castiel said softly, sitting down on the bed next to him and taking his hand. That was something Castiel had seen Jessica do to Sam to calm comfort him before. Humans methods of comforting their fellow companions was strange. “Someone took your Grace.”

“They- They did what?”

“You’re human.”

Castiel watched as Gabriel’s face went blank and the man took a deep breath, staring at the wall and seeming lost to the world. It would be a lot of information for anybody to take in. Being human meant Gabriel could not do as he did before- that his very purpose was gone. There would be no more Trickster- well, there were other Tricksters, but Gabriel was the Trickster. It also meant he would age, and that he could die in every way he could not before. He was vulnerable.

The once great Archangel lifted his fingers and clicked them, frowning when nothing happened before he settled back against the pillows. “Fuck. Fuckity, fuck, fuck, _fuck_.” Gabriel wasn’t one to swear often and Castiel bit his bottom lip, locking eyes with Balthazar before he looked away.

“I’m sorry, Gabriel-“

“I don’t need your sympathy,” Gabriel told him, holding up a hand to stop Castiel from speaking. Castiel only stayed silent to stop from upsetting his brother. “I guess I sort of deserved it… I did leave the kid alone. I mean- if I’d known about him, then maybe… maybe I’d have… I don’t know.” Gabriel ran a hand over his face, looking tired and worn out.

“Do you want Sam?” That question made Gabriel snap his head up, a look of bewilderment on his face. “You haven’t spoken to him since you left. I do not think he’ll be feeling very good about your… relationship with him right now.”

“There isn’t a relationship to feel good about.”

“There could be.”

“Maybe I don’t want there to be-“

“Liar,” Balthazar suddenly cut in, Gabriel’s eyes snapping to the other Angels as he raised an eyebrow. “You want it. You’re just being a coward now, sweetheart. You were never a coward before.”

“I also wasn’t human,” Gabriel spat back.

“You used to be so much,” Balthazar whispered, leaning forward and kissing Gabriel’s forehead. “I’ll go and start looking for your Grace,” he said before the room held just Castiel and Gabriel.

The silence stretched on for a few minutes, Gabriel’s eyes cast down on his lap and Castiel standing by the window, looking out onto the dark night. “Go home to him,” was the soft whisper he heard and Castiel turned around to look at Gabriel with a curious expression. “Go home to Dean.”

“I want to stay here with you,” Castiel argued, not wanting to abandon his brother in this time of need.

“I need to be alone right now, Cassie. I know you don’t really understand emotions and that, but please just let me come to terms with this.”

Castiel hesitated, slightly afraid to leave Gabriel alone again. Each time he did, the other seemed to get himself hurt. “I’ll be back with food soon,” Castiel said before closing his eyes and opening them to the sight of his boyfriend. “I found him.”

Dean looked up towards Castiel, shifting on the brown sofa, taking his feet off his coffee table and muting the TV. “That’s great, Cas. Sam will stop being a whiny bitch now.” The man gave Castiel a teasing smile before he noticed the others blank expression- not that that was uncommon with Castiel, but he’d been better at expressing his emotions lately. “What happened?”

“His Grace was taken,” Castiel said quietly, swallowing thickly before shifting his eyes to Dean once again. When he looked into those green eyes of his soulmate, Castiel couldn’t find the comfort it usually brought him. The reality of someone he is so close with losing their Grace is not processing in his head and it made things mess up. “He’s not an Angel anymore, Dean. They just… they took away his purpose.”

“Shit, Cas,” Dean breathed, getting up and taking the three steps it took to be standing close to Castiel. Strong, warm hands clasped Castiels arms. “That is utter bullshit, Cas, and you know it. His purpose isn’t to be a goddamn Angel. His purpose was to protect people, wasn’t it? I don’t know- but I know that losing his Grace doesn’t make him lose his purpose.”

“But it’s everything he was. I know I would not know how to react if I were to lose my Grace, Dean.”

“You’d react badly at first. You’d be scared, unsure, hit with new stuff you don’t understand, but you’d learn how to deal with it, Cas. You’d learn how to live as a human… just like my Dad learnt how to cope without Mom around.” Castiel didn’t know much about Mary Winchester, Dean didn’t like to talk about her much, but the little facts he did know made him _want_ to know Mary. He knew she was a kind, beautiful woman who took no ‘bullshit’, would protect her family and make the (quoted from John Winchester) “best fuckin’ pie ever”. Castiel only hoped Dean would talk about him as John talked about his dead spouse one day. “Gabriel will learn how to be human. Hell, Sam is all feely and that crap, he can easily help Gabriel figure it all out.”

Sometimes Dean did little things that made Castiel love him more, and this time was not any different. The man always knew how to reassure him. “Promise?”

“I promise with all my heart, Cas.” Dean pressed a light kiss on the tip of Castiel’s nose, making the Angel scrunch up his nose at the feeling, which only made Dean let out a small laugh. “Wanna pretend to watch this crap program and make-out?” It was Castiel’s turn to laugh now and he nodded as he replied, “I’d love to, Dean,” before letting Dean pull him to the sofa.

It wouldn’t be easy, but Castiel would learn more about human emotions and he’d help his fallen brother, or he’d find his Grace. Either way, Gabriel would be fine.

                                                                                              --

After Castiel had left, Gabriel had stared at the ceiling for half an hour- or so he thought. Maybe it was longer. The man didn’t know what to think, or how to feel, but his body eventually decided for him and he was forced to get up and go to the kitchen for food. Gabriel was only glad he’d started filling the insides with pie, beer and salads when Dean had started to come around- the salad was in case Castiel ever decided to eat with Dean (“I do not require food, Dean.” “Food tastes good.” “It will do me no good, Dean.” “Just eat the goddamn pie, Cas.”) Gabriel settled down to a nice salad first, discovering that salad didn’t actually taste that good. Beer was warm and fuzzy, it made Gabriel’s head spin a little as he got onto the third one, but it felt good. The pie was _amazing_ and Gabriel moaned at the taste of the warm cherry filled pastry on his tongue- dammit, Dean was right. Gabriel hated when the Princess was right.

After the food, Gabriel moved into the bathroom, turning on the shower and standing below it. From all the years he’d been here, everyone seemed to agree the same thing; (well, since they were invented) showers are the best place to think. So Gabriel thought as the warm water hit his skin, the feeling making him take a deep breath. _Human. We are human. Strange. It feels different now. I feel more sensitive to everything already._ Gabriel took a bottle of shampoo, squeezing it onto his hand and slowly running the soap up his arms, closing his eyes. _I’ll have a good reason to eat now, though. I’ll need to watch what I eat… can’t get too unhealthy. Dammit._ The man ran shampoo over his legs, laughing to himself. “Sex might feel even better,” he mumbled to himself, moving his hands back up and rubbing the shampoo over every inch of skin he could, avoiding his back.

“ _I feel more human_ ,” he sang softly, not wanting to let himself think too much and to start crying. “ _I feel like having a party_.” Even Gabriel knew he was horribly out of tune, but he couldn’t care less. He was alone anyways. “ _I feel like I’m going to fall apart.”_ Gabriel let out a sharp laugh, the sound bouncing off the wet tiles and invading his ears again. _So much for keeping it together_ , he thought as he slumped against the edge of the crème tiles, slowly sliding down in the shower, staring at the other wall across from him as he held his knees to his chest and hiding his face in his knees as he let out a sob.

Being human was going to be hard.


	10. Is This A Date?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam visits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for anybody who is reading and following this story.  
> Sorry not much happens in this chapter, I just wanted a cute date one.

Being stuck on Earth and not in his beloved hole in time and space was hard. Gabriel was forced to deal with the rain steadily falling down outside his window whilst he tried to sleep. Restless, that’s what he was. Everything twitched and felt too much, too sudden. Emotions were high and far too real for Gabriel’s comfort. The first week had been Hell, the ex-Archangel had covered his house in every protection symbol he could, not allowing any Angel, human or Demon permission into his house. Castiel still came everyday, still left everything Gabriel may need to survive on his doorstep and Gabriel was grateful for that, but he couldn’t face his brother. Not now. They weren’t even brothers anymore, not really. Castiel was an Angel and Gabriel was human… he was fragile, breakable. Gabriel could die now.

Sometimes, when the night was silent and Gabriel was curled up in his bed alone, he would think of James. He’d think of the dark eyes, the way the boy showed no remorse for what he had caused. Gabriel was only thankful he hadn’t been awake when his Grace had been taken. _And what of Cupid_ , he’d think, _what become of the selfish bastard? Would his Fa- God. Would God allow him to continue to allow the Angel- no, no the_ creature _to control Soulmates and love when he was so easily swayed by a human?_ Gabriel didn’t know what the answer would be, he could only hope.

Gabriel also discovered that those crap Romcoms (“Romantic Comedys? Seriously, what’s funny about love?”) actually made him feel something now. When the couples fought, Gabriel felt a soft ache in his heart. When they kissed, Gabriel felt hope and relief flood through. When they were locked in passion, well, sometimes Gabriel would feel a his blood travel a bit more south. He also started to miss Sam, even if they hadn’t done anything, the promise had still been there, the words were still stuck in Gabriel’s mind and he couldn’t just sit by and watch it all go away. After eight days, four hours and fifteen seconds of being alone, Gabriel pulled out his phone and found the one number he wanted right now; _Sam_.

**_Who is this?_ **

_Oh, sorry, I forgot you didn’t have my number. This is only your favourite being in the entire world._

**_Robert Downey Junior?_ **

_Of course because Iron Man has your number, Sammich._

**_Gabriel?_ **

_The one and only._

**_Are you okay?_ **

_I was going to ask you the same question._

**_I didn’t lose my Grace._ **

_That is true. However, that doesn’t mean that I’m not okay._

_Okay, okay, so I could be better. Let’s just forget about that._

**_Okay. Did you text for a specific reason?_ **

_I want chocolate and Castiel can’t enter my house until I can be bothered removing the warding spells._

**_I’ll be twenty minutes tops._ **

_Thank you._

Gabriel put his phone down and settled back against his sofa, thanking Castiel in his head for making his house exactly the same as it had once been. Sam was gorgeous, funny, sweet, a gentleman and Gabriel barely even knew him, but the thought of them being Soulmates still drove him to at least give it a go. Maybe it wouldn’t work, maybe Sam would end up not liking him, but that didn’t bother Gabriel. The man was used to being alone, he did it once before and he could easily do it all over again. Whilst waiting for Sam, Gabriel put on _Once Upon A Time_ and got two beers out, opening his own and sipping on it slowly.

It took Sam close to eighteen minutes to make it to Gabriel’s, the short shrill of the doorbell making the man inside the house jump and scramble off the sofa, pausing his show before walking to the door. A mirror lay next to the door on the wall and Gabriel looked at his own reflection, cringing slightly. Heavy bags lay under his eyes, his hair was a bigger mess than usual and the sweatpants and Avenger’s t-shirt he had on were crinkled and clearly slept-in. At one point, Gabriel would’ve clicked his fingers and fixed it all, but he couldn’t now and a short knock on the door snapped Gabriel out of a bad train of thought before he opened the door for Sam, forcing a bright smile on his face. “Sammich!”

“Hello, Gabriel,” was the soft reply he got, a plastic bag being pushed into his chest before he cradled his arms around him and looked down at all the chocolate, his eyes a little wide. “I wasn’t sure what you’d want, so I kinda just grabbed what I could.”

“My hero!” Gabriel exclaimed dramatically as he looked up at Sam, going up on tiptoes and kissing his cheek softly. “Thank you, good sir. I am sure I will put these gifts to good use,” he teased before stepping back to let the other enter the house, looking at his still short hair. “I still can’t believe you cut your hair off for me.”

Sam shrugged and ran a hand through his short hair, pushing the small fringe to the side before rubbing the back of his neck. “I really wanted us to give this a go.” There was the kindness that Gabriel would never deserve, and yet it was all his in this moment. Gabriel had a feeling Sam would risk his life if it meant saving a loved one. Then again, so would he.

“That’s why I text you,” Gabriel admitted and he smiled slightly as Sam’s face lit up. He was like a frickin’ puppy dog who had just gotten an endless bone to chew on. “Anyways, wanna watch a movie with me?” When he got a nod in reply, Gabriel walked through to his living room, expecting Sam to follow before sitting down on his sofa and taking his beer, watching Sam take the free one and sit down. “What should we watch?”

“Anything.”

“Anything could include porn.”

“You watch porn?”

“I’ve been in porn.” And oh the reaction that got. A soft laugh, a squeeze to his shoulder with a big and comforting hand and a fond roll of eyes. Sam was adorable, and Gabriel was screwed. “What? I’ve been around for a long time, I’ve done it all.”

They settled on _When Harry Met Sally_ because Sam had never seen it (“Uneducated Sasquatch”) and it was Gabriel’s new favourite movie (“I’d date them both. At the same time.”) It wasn’t that hard to feel calm with Sam here, and it felt welcoming to Gabriel. He’d been on edge for the past week or so and now he could relax, knowing that Sam was here if everything went wrong or someone tried to hurt him.

Gabriel mouthed the words along with the movie, noticing Sam watching him and looking at his lap bashfully. “Sorry, I’ve watched it too many times.”

“I think it’s cute.”

“Really?” Sam nodded and moved his hands to Gabriel’s taking it and running a comforting thumb along the back of the others hand, earning him a shy smile from Gabriel.

This wasn’t Gabriel’s first time holding hands, obviously. The man had had lots of sexual partners over the years and had done a lot of weird shit that most people wouldn’t even think of, never mind do and yet he felt bashful and shy when Sam just held his hand. Was this what love felt like? Gabriel wasn’t sure, but he liked it and he was willing to go deeper and find out more. “Sam?”

“Yeah?” Sam looked at Gabriel, an eyebrow raised and a sweet smile on his face.

“Is this a date?”

“Do you want it to be?” Sam sounded slightly hesitant and that made Gabriel pause in thought. Did he want this to be a date? He’d never been on one that he didn’t know would end in sex and never calling the other person back. Sam was still different.

“Yes.”

“Then it is.” Sam turned his head back to watch the movie and Gabriel watched the colours bounce off of Sam’s face in the dark room before he turned back to watch it too, his body slowly moving closer to Sam’s before he was leaning on him. What? It was more comfortable that way.

The rest of the night was spent watching Romcom after Romcom and neither took anything further than hand holding, not after all the past events of the months before this one. It’d take a while to get things into a normal state and both were happy to let it play out. When Gabriel fell asleep during _Love Actually_ Sam had carried him to bed, tucked him in and kissed his forehead. The man left a small note on the side that read; _Gone home, need to check on Jessica, the kid is due soon. I’ll be back tomorrow. – Sam x_ on Gabriel’s bedside table before leaving the house, making sure to lock it and slip the key through the mailbox.

“Thank you,” a voice said to his left and Sam jumped, cursing loudly and clutching onto his chest as he turned to face Castiel, giving him his best bitch face- not that Sam ever did bitch faces, no.

“Castiel,” was the tight reply the Angel got. “You can’t just sneak up on people like that, I’m pretty sure Dean went over that with you. It’s one in the morning, why aren’t you at home?”

“I don’t require sleep, Sam and I’ve been checking up on my brother. I heard you were here and I just wanted to thank you for taking the time to help my brother.”

“It’s nothing I don’t want to do,” Sam said truthfully and that made Castiel tilt his head to the side, confusion written over his features. “I really do like him, Cas, and I want to make this work. Alright?”

Castiel nodded, clearly happy with the response before he blinked out of Sam’s sight, probably heading home and Sam was left to get in his car, drive home and settle down in bed, thinking about Gabriel and never being able to stop smiling. Maybe things would work out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this going okay?


	11. Small Steps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update is a day late, I wasn't feeling too good yesterday and I'm all ill today. :/

Castiel hadn’t seen his brother in a while, the other deciding to keep all Angels, Demons and humans out. Everybody except Sam. Castiel knew it was stupid to feel hurt, but he couldn’t help the small frown that settled on his features each time he thought about Sam being at Gabriel’s. It wasn’t that the Angel was not happy for his brother and his happiness; he just wasn’t sure why Gabriel couldn’t trust him the way he trusted Sam and let Castiel look after him.

“Babe,” a voice whispered into his ear, making the Angel shift back against the warmth at his back. “You okay?” Dean was always so caring, so loving. Castiel didn’t understand how the human could believe he was not worthy of love when he was forever putting the ones he loved ahead of himself.

“I’m fine,” Castiel responded, shrugging lightly and placing a hand over Dean’s on his chest. “I’m just thinking.”

A soft chuckle pushed air across Castiel’s ear and the Angel shivered before turning around to face the man he loved. “Thinking is dangerous with you,” Dean teased, his hand running over Castiel’s bare side slowly before he pulled him closer. “What were you thinking about, Angel?”

“Gabriel.” A tired and expected sigh left Dean’s lips and Castiel looked down, pressing his forehead against Dean’s shoulder. “I can’t help it, Dean. I miss him.”

“I know you do, baby, but he needs time. We’ve been over this nearly every day, Cas.” Green eyes met blue as Dean forced Castiel to look up with two fingers under his chin. “I promise he’s okay. I know you don’t understand why he lets Sam in but not you, but you have to understand that it’s his choice and you just need to support him on this. That’s what family does, Cas. We stick it out through thick and thin, even if our siblings are being frickin’ idiots.”

“It’s easier for you,” Castiel told him, sighing softly. “You and Sam are properly related. Gabriel and I were merely made and became siblings because of the type of being we were.”

“You think anybody else choses, Cas? You know that’s not how it worked. Nobody choses who they’re related to through blood, but we chose who our family is. Alright? Now let’s stop this conversation before we start havin’ our periods or somethin’.”

Castiel never did understand why Dean compared deep conversations to female humans, then again, Castiel barely understood anything Dean did. The Angel kissed him softly, smiling against his lips. “I love you, Dean,” he whispered against his skin, feeling Dean’s touch hesitate on his skin as it did each time Castiel told him he loved him.

“Yeah, yeah, I love you too, Cas,” Dean grumbled, moving his hand lower and over one of Castiel’s ass cheeks, smirking widely. “See, this is why we both sleep in this bed.”

“So we can engage in sexual activities when you awaken?” Castiel asked, an eyebrow raised.

“No, no,” Dean mumbled as he ran a hand up Castiel’s back and to the centre before pressing their chests together. “Because it’s better waking up next to someone than waking up alone and wondering if that’s all there is to life.”

“And because you want to have sex.”

“The sex is just a bonus.”

A hand ran over Castiel’s chest and the Angel was about to let Dean engage him in a kiss before he heard Gabriel’s cry through his mind and he pushed off of Dean, quickly getting up and pulling on his clothes.

“Where are you going?” Dean asked, sitting up as he frowned, moving the covers to cover his morning wood. “Cas, come on, just come back to bed.”

“Gabriel’s in trouble,” Castiel told him, shaking his head and letting out a breath as he listened back in to Gabriel. The man was calming down again, someone whispering comforting things to him and Castiel sat back on the edge of the bed. “It appears he merely had a nightmare.”

“You can go check on him, if you want to,” Dean said softly, moving up and behind Castiel, moving his fingers onto his shoulders and then down his arms.

“He doesn’t need me, Dean.” Castiel didn’t care that he sounded bitter, or that he may have hurt Dean’s feelings when he pulled away from his touch and got up again, moving out of the bedroom with a slam of the door. Castiel would apologise later, and Dean would forgive him, the Angel knew that much. Right now he was more determined to make amends with his brother and hope he would be allowed back into his life.

                                                                                                   --

Gabriel had awoken with a start, his hand clasping his chest as sweat dripped down his forehead. A hand soon pressed a wet cloth to his head and Gabriel looked at Sam, a small and grateful smile on his face. “Thanks,” he whispered, his hands shaking as he sat up and took the cloth, wiping it over his face. Sam had insisted on staying after Gabriel had admitted that he was still having nightmares and the ex-Angel had been unable to say no to Sam as his puppy dog eyes came out. Now he was a little embarrassed to be seen so weak, he used to be strong and powerful, making those who were evil pay for their wrong doings and now he was nothing more than a weak human who couldn’t sleep without waking up mid-panic attack.

“What happened this time?” Sam had started asking Gabriel about every flashback, apparently believing that talking about it could only benefit him. The older man wasn’t so sure about that.

“I… I was in the room and the kid. He, um… he…” Gabriel shook his head, tears stinging at his eyes as he pressed the heel of his hands into his eyes, determined not to cry in front of Sam.

Strong arms moved around him and Gabriel settled against them, a small sob leaving his lips as he held onto Sam’s shirt. “It’s okay,” a soft whisper seeped into his hair and Gabriel felt his body slowly relax as he let Sam comfort him, let himself be picked up and glued back together slowly. “How about today we try and go out shopping? Just a small step at a time.” Sam was also determined to make Gabriel get used to a normal human life, something that still scared Gabriel to his bones.

“Okay,” he eventually agreed, not sure how this would all turn out. Sam left Gabriel to get changed and the man pulled himself out of bed, pulling off his t-shirt, looking at the scars down his back in his reflection. It was hideous. He was hideous. Gabriel shook his head and pulled a t-shirt and a baggy hoody on, glad Sam had made him order more clothes online the day before. Next Gabriel pulled a new pair of boxers and light wash jeans on, looking into the mirror and cringing at the bag under his eyes. Jesus, he looked exhausted. It was shocking, really. Humans required sleep, _Gabriel_ required sleep, and the man was not getting near enough. It wasn’t easy to sleep when you were afraid to let the darkness overcome every sane thought you had and drag you into the depths of your biggest fears.

“Gabriel!” Sam yelled from downstairs and the golden haired man ran a hand through his hair before walking to the bathroom, turning the tap on and splashing water over his face. Next he brushed his teeth, hating that he was required to take part in such boring human tasks. Sure, it had been fun doing stuff like this when he was an Angel, but that was because he wasn’t required to do it all the time to survive. Now it was just day after day after goddamn day of the same thing. Maybe the shopping trip would be good.

Gabriel made his way down the stairs, pulling on a pair of socks that matched his eyes on the way to the front door before he slipped his feet into a pair of trainers. Sam was dressed in a black t-shirt, cream and red plaid shirt, blue jeans and green trains. A bright smile was on Sam’s face and Gabriel couldn’t help but smile back as he placed his hand in Sam’s and followed him out of the house and down the street slowly.

Everything hit him suddenly; the light breeze brushing through his hair; the sun on his skin; the birds in the sky; the people chattering away; TV’s turned up too loud to accommodate someone with poor hearing; kids screaming and laughing as they played. Dizziness washed over Gabriel and the man stepped back, pressing his hands to his face and he took a deep breath. _Calm down_ , he thought to himself, _it’s okay, nothing can hurt you here_. “Gabriel?” he heard Sam’s voice come through his panic and a hand on his arm had him calming down slowly.

“Sorry… I… it’s a bit overwhelming.” Gabriel pulled his hands from his face and looked at Sam, his eyes running over the man’s features as he saw deep concern running through his face. “I’m okay,” he promised.

Sam took his hand again, intertwining their fingers and walking slower as they made their way to the store. When there, Gabriel looked around the thin amount of people there. It eleven am on a Sunday, so it wasn’t shocking to Gabriel that not many people were up and about shopping. The man still tightened his grip on Sam’s hand and smiled softly as the man pulled him closer. They walked into the store and grabbed a basket, starting down the first isle and looking through the various food items.

“What do you want?”

“Candy?” That got Gabriel a small snort from Sam.

“What else?”

“Ice Cream?” A roll of Sam’s eyes was his reply.

“I’ll get the healthy stuff then.” Gabriel couldn’t help but grin. Predictable Sammy, always picking out the healthy items. Gabriel leant up and kissed Sam’s cheek as he picked out some carrots. “What was that for?”

Gabriel shrugged and swung their joined hands. “Felt like it,” he explained, smiling widely at him before starting to tug him along as he spotted a chocolate cake. The taller man simply followed, chuckling at the smaller man’s behaviour to anything bad for him. It took only half an hour for them to pick out all the food Gabriel would need for now, and Sam happily paid for it all, something Gabriel felt guilty for letting him do. “I promise I’ll get a job and pay you back,” was what he told Sam, who just dismissed the idea and said it wasn’t a big deal at all.

On the walk home, Gabriel carried four bags and Sam carried six, the two of them walking side by side in the quiet and enjoying the breeze. Small steps were what Gabriel needed; the man just couldn’t help but find it amusing that the source of him coping took such big steps. Maybe it would all be okay.

                                                                                                 --

Castiel watched as Sam and Gabriel walked back to the elder’s apartment, both of them laughing. Gabriel shoved Sam playfully and the taller man nearly dropped the bags he was holding as Gabriel let out a loud, proud-of-himself laugh. The scene brought a small pain to Castiel’s chest that the Angel did not understand. Why should his brothers happiness bring Castiel such pain? The Angel shook his head, ensuring that Sam and Gabriel got home safely before watching from the kitchen window as the two packed their bags away, Gabriel singing off-tune to a song unknown to Castiel. Maybe his brother really didn’t need him now. Castiel blinked and opened them to pure whiteness. He needed time to think, and Heaven seemed to be the only place he would be able to do just that. Castiel strolled slowly down the halls, closing his eyes and letting peace seep over him as he finally began to think all of it through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, tune in and find out what Castiel decides, and watch Gabriel take his next small step.  
> Sorry for the delay in updating it! I'm stressed and not too well right now. I promise to get it sorted asap.


	12. Castiel?

Dean had phoned Gabriel after two days of radio silence from Castiel, worry seeping through him and making the man pace back and forth every time he stood up. Sure, Castiel was a big Angel, he could do what he wanted, but this was out of character for Castiel since they’d settled down. The Angel only went away to check on Gabriel, so Dean had come to the assumption that Castiel _must_ be with Gabriel. When the Ange- ex-Angel picked up the phone, Dean didn’t even bother to gather himself together before blurting out, “I can’t find Cas’ and I’m really worried and what if he’s hurt?”

“Woah, woah, Winchester, slow it down there, boy,” Gabriel said, sounding as if he’d just woken up. At eight in the morning, really?

“Don’t you have a job?” Dean asked, not even thinking before speaking, as ever. The man sat down on Castiel’s side of the bed- well that was a lie. They didn’t have sides of the bed, but Dean could imagine it, couldn’t he?

“Is that really important right now?”

“Well, I guess not.” Dean ran a hand over his face, trying to keep calm and not lose it again. “Have you seen Castiel?”

“No.” The hand in his hair balled up into a fist and Dean frowned at himself as he brought his hand away from the strands. “When was the last time you saw him?”

“Two days ago. He woke up, started going on about you being in trouble and then he was gone. I think he went to go check on you.” Dean tried to think back on their last conversation, but since then he’d been bombarded with work and he’d been far too busy to even think about what Castiel had said and so the words had left his mind already. Sometimes Dean wished humans had better memories.

The line was quiet for a moment before Gabriel spoke quietly into the phone, “you need to pray to Balthazar. I’m of no help, Dean,” before hanging up.

“The fuck!” Dean snapped at the phone, placing it down and standing up. “Fine, I’ll fucking pray.” The green eyed man wasn’t sure what was going on with Gabriel but he didn’t have time to deal with his mood at the moment. Castiel was his number one priority. “Right so… Hey, Balthazar. I was told to pray to you. I must look like an idiot,” an idiot knelt on the floor with his hands up in a prayer sign, “and you probably won’t even listen to me but-“

“Oh, would you look at that, knelt down for little ol’ me?” a British voice asked, a smirk sounding in his tone as Dean snapped his eyes up to the other, glaring at him. “What is it you want, Dean?”  
“Castiel hasn’t been ho- he hasn’t spoken to anybody in two days.”

“Castiel doesn’t live here, does he?”

Dean shook his head. “We’re not there yet, alright?”

Dean watched Balthazar nod slowly before looking down for a moment, his expression changing slightly. “Dean, I-“

“You know where he is, don’t you?” Balthazar nodded slowly. “Is he coming back?” Balthazar shrugged in reply and Dean growled a bit, moving to the Angel and grabbing him by the collar of his jacket, tugging him down. “Tell me where he is.”

“I can’t, Dean. I promised Castiel I wouldn’t.”

“I don’t give a crap what Cas' told you to do! I want to know where he is.” The Angel hesitated before disappearing from Dean’s grip. “Fuckin’ feathery asshole!” Dean yelled as he put his arms down. “Cas, come on,” he muttered before kicking the bottom of the bedroom wall, cursing at the pain that brought him before sighing and sitting on the bed. What the fuck was he supposed to do now? Dean shook his head and settled back, he’d let Castiel come to him.

                                                                               --

Balthazar looked at his brother as the Angel paced back and forth in the white room. “What use is this, Castiel?” he asked, wishing his brother would give him an insight into what was going on in his mind. “Why are you doing this to Dean? To Gabriel? He’s going to be worrying now that you’ve disappeared and no one can find you.”

“He’ll know you know where I am if Dean tells him.”

“What is going on with you?” The blue eyed Angel looked at the floor, the same confused-kitten-look he always had on his face when he had to think.

“It doesn’t matter-“

“Like Hell it doesn’t!” Balthazar interrupted.

“It _doesn’t_ matter because I’m not returning.”

“Castiel, that’s a very dangerous path to go down.”

“I have duties.” Castiel looked up at Balthazar, the British Vessel raising an eyebrow at him.

“What _duties_? God isn’t here anymore, Castiel. You have a soulmate now. You need to go and be with him!”

At least Castiel had the dignity to look sheepish at that, his hand rubbing the back of his neck before he sighed softly. “I just need more time.”

“More time for what?”

“You’ll find out soon, I promise.” Castiel moved over to his brother and put a hand on his upper arm, giving it a small squeeze before disappearing to another part of Heaven. It wouldn’t take much for Balthazar to follow him, no, but the Angel knew better than to push the other. Castiel was fragile, even if he liked to act as if he had it all together and didn’t need to express his emotions. Balthazar sighed before shaking his head and closing his eyes. This was all a big mess.

                                                                                    --

Gabriel put his phone down, his eyes moving down. What the Hell was he supposed to do about Castiel disappearing? It’s not like he could fly to Heaven and see if anybody knew of the whereabouts of his brother; no, he was useless in this all. The thought made the man get up, a small panic starting to spread through him before he spotted Sam organising the dinner for tonight, walking straight up to him and pressing him against the counter. “Woah, what’s wro-” was all Gabriel let Sam say before he crashed their lips together, his hands gripping Sam’s shirt collar as he pulled him down. The man didn’t let up on the kiss until Sam was flipping them around, moving Gabriel up and onto the counter, putting himself between the shorter man’s legs. “Gabriel,” Sam whispered into the kiss and Gabriel did all he could not to whine but pulled Sam closer, letting the kiss go on as he slowly felt the panic slip from him and out of his body.

Sam was pulling back soon after and Gabriel blinked at him with wide eyes before smirking. “What? Can’t I snog my beautiful boyfriend?” he asked, keeping his panic at the kiss in the back of his mind. “Shouldn’t you be getting home to baby mamma?”

“Are you okay?” Sam asked instead of answering his question, raising his hands to cup the man’s cheeks. “You look a little pale today.”

“Just didn’t get enough sleep.” Although Sam being there helped, Gabriel couldn’t help the panic that had been building up in his chest over the past few days.

“Why don’t you come cuddle up on the sofa with me then?” Sam suggested, kissing Gabriel’s forehead before smiling softly at him. “We can take it easy today, no pushing it.” Gabriel nodded at him, letting Sam take his hand and lead him to the bedroom, the man pulling off own shirt and jeans before getting into the bed, holding the covers up for Gabriel to crawl in. “I think you might be better off going to the Doctors,” Sam whispered, stroking the ex-Angels long hair slowly. “Just for a check-up.”

Gabriel nodded his agreement, knowing he’d have to get used to all of the normal human things now. The man sighed softly, burying his face in Sam’s collarbone before letting his eyes fall shut. “I love you,” was the last thing he heard before he let sleep take him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, I'm not too well right now!  
> I promise the next chapter will have a good plot to it, I just couldn't get this one past this point.


	13. Pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning; self-harm and depression are explored in this chapter.

Gabriel's life became a routine shortly after his visit to the Doctor;

Wake-up.  
Eat.  
Pills.  
Eat.  
Pills.  
Movie.  
Sleep.  
Repeat.

Each moment was a premade decision. He once did as he wished, spent time in his own little bubble. Now he was stuck. Now he was depressed, suffering from anxiety and wondering how humans managed to live this way. Life wasn't anything to celebrate. Life was hard, cold, lonely. Even when Sam was there, Gabriel felt like he was alone. Felt like he was on the edge of a cliff, looking down into the depths of his own graceless soul. It was dark. It was scary.

Castiel was missing. Dean knew something and Gabriel knew it but he wasn't allowed to know. Dean looked sad, also, which made Gabriel realise that every human was the same. They were wearing masks and repeating a routine. Life was the routine. Maybe Castiel was back in Heaven. Gabriel wished he could be there right now. Even though the Angel hated being around his brothers and sisters, it would mean he was whole again an that he was able to fly, to use his grace and be powerful again. He'd be the Trickster he once was.

Instead Gabriel had to stay inside of his house, unable to bring himself to leave it once he realised that even his favourite brother had decided to leave him behind. Sam always came around, always tried to make him happy. His lovely Sam was too good for him. Too good for his useless self. Gabriel didn't bring any good to the world, he didn't make anything better or help in anyway.

The first time Gabriel allowed anybody other than one of the Winchester brothers to enter his home, it was not of his own choice. Sam had decided that Gabriel was ready to meet other people; even if he told him that he wasn't ready to have any other humans around him. The man also wanted to introduce Gabriel to his dad and uncle.

"This is a nice place," John commented as he entered the house, his eyes moving around the home as he took in the surroundings. When he looked at his son he pulled the same face he always did at the short hair. Gabriel figured it was taking the man time to get used to. Bobby walked in after him, shaking his hand and letting out a gruff 'hello' before asking Sam if there were any beers.

Settling down at the kitchen table, where Sam had placed out a meal for them all, Gabriel couldn't help sigh slightly. It felt awkward. Awkward and stupid. Why did he have to get to know Sam's family? Dating looked so much easier on the movies. They'd make-out, maybe fall out and then that would be that. Gabriel wondered why humans felt the need to create stories that they were unable to achieve in real life. Optimistic idiots.

Pushing his food around with his fork, Gabriel tried to keep his eyes down even as a conversation went on around him. It did not feel like his place to interrupt. Gabriel was still a stranger to all but Sam in that room. When a question was directed towards him, Gabriel blinked before looking towards Bobby. "What?"

"I asked if you needed help taking down your... decorations." Bobby glanced around and Gabriel followed his eyes, his mouth turning into a small 'o'.

Did Gabriel want to allow Angels into his home? Was he ready to take that step. He'd spent so long avoiding Angel kind that now he wasn't sure if this is what he truly wanted. Shaking his head, Gabriel smiled tightly and the older man. "Thank you for the offer, but it's fine. I'll sort it later."

A hand rested over his carefully and Gabriel cast his golden eyes towards his boyfriend before smiling weakly at him. 'You okay?' he mouthed at him and Gabriel nodded his head. Neither of them believed that lie. Watching John and Bobby take a glance towards each other, Gabriel got up and out of his seat. "Where are you going, Gabe?"

"I just need to go to the bathroom," he lied, shrugging his shoulders lightly. "I'll be right back." Also a lie. Gabriel needed to get away, needed time to himself. As much as he adored his Sam, he just couldn't cope with the stress of having the mans family here right now. Locking himself inside the bathroom, Gabriel sunk to the floor before wrapping his arms around his legs, holding them close to his chest. Things were never going to get better.

-

Demons would never stop being an issue. Castiel had learnt that a long time ago. Each time you managed to get one Demon out of the way, another one was in his place and causing havoc. It was Castiel's job to deal with the deaths that Demons caused and try and not have anybody find out the truth. In hindsight, it was probably not a wise idea to take on one that was near Bobby's garage. The moment he landed, Deans eyes were on him. Of course they'd all be around the dead body. The dead body Castiel had to collect an make everybody forget about.

Moving forward the Angel sighed softly as Dean grabbed his wrist and pulled him to the side. "Where the hell have you been?" he hissed out. Dean looked tired. Tired and worn out. Like he was close to letting go of Castiel and giving up.

"Dean, I have something I must do." The Angel went to move his wrist away from he man before Dean's hand tightened on it. "I'm sorry. I promise I'll be back when I am free."

"Free from what?" Dean put his fee hand on Castiel's cheek and ran his thumb along his cheekbone. "Come on, Cas. Talk to me."

It was so tempting to give in. To go with Dean back to his home and forget about the mission he had been sent down to complete. It'd be good. It wasn't time yet. Castiel had to wait he had to figure out how to get Gabriel's Grace back. "I'm so sorry, Dean," he whispered, pressing a light kiss to the mans lips. Castiel forgot about his mission, his Mates cry still ringing in his ears. He needed to get to Michael. Michael would figure out how to fix this all.

Bringing his trench coat tighter around his body, Castiel took a deep breath before running a hand over his face. It wouldn't be easy but Gabriel needed his help and Castiel was more than determined to help his brother. Even if it meant giving up his own happy ending.

-

After Sam apologised to his dad and Bobby, bidding them farewell, the man ran a hand though his short hair. Gabriel hadn't returned from the bathroom and part of Sam wasn't even sure if he was still in the house. He'd decided to leave Gabriel on his own for a moment, to let him figuring out what he needed to on his own.

When Sam walked to the bathroom door and found it locked, he knocked on it with soft thumps. "Gabe," he called through the door. "Come on, Gabe, come out."

"I just need a moment to myself," Gabriel called back and Sam could hear the shake in his voice. Could hear the pain and reluctance to let Sam into whatever was going on. When Sam heard Gabriel take a sharp inhale of breath, like he was in pain, the man had had enough. Moving back to the kitchen, Sam got a knife before going back to the bathroom. Focusing carefully, he jammed the knife into the lock before turning it slowly. At least it wasn't one that required a key.

The moment he got in, Gabriel was scrambling to his feet and hiding his arms behind his back. Sam stopped where he was, glancing down behind the door as he shut it and his heart dropped. A broken razor was lying on the floor and Sam closed his eyes for a moment. "Oh, Gabriel," he whispered. Moving forward slowly, the man put a hand to his cheek. "Why?"

A tear fell down Gabriel's cheek and he took a sharp inhale of breath. "I- I don't... I don't know, Sam. I'm so sorry." A sob left his lips and Sam kissed his forehead firmly. "I just needed something to make it... to distract me?"

"Give me your arm." Sam took the one with fresh cuts, taking out the first aid kit they'd stored in the bathroom since Gabriel came back without his wings. Taking his time to get Gabriel sat down on the toilet, Sam started running a cloth over the cuts. "I promise things are going to be okay, Gabriel." The man gave him an unsure look but Sam just ignored it. He knew it would be better. It had to get better. After he'd cleaned all the wounds up, Sam wrapped the former Angel's arm up in a bandage before pressing a kiss over it. "We should get you to bed."

Sam placed all of the blood soaked items in the bin before picking Gabriel up, the man clearly exhausted from all the emotions draining out of his body. When Sam placed him on the bed, he pressed a kiss over each part of Gabriel's body as he got him undressed before he placed the covers over the small body he adored so much. Tonight was not a night to push boundaries.

Once Gabriel was tucked up, his eyes already closed and his body more relaxed. Dried tear tracks a stark contrast to his skin tone. Sam got into the bed, now in his boxers and he held the, now sleeping, body close to him. They'd have to keep sharp objects away from Gabriel for a while. The last thing Sam needed was for Gabriel to do something drastic and to later regret it.

Closing his eyes, Sam pressed a soft kiss to Gabriel's hair. He would make everything as good as he could. Anything it took, Sam was willing to try it. Gabriel didn't deserve any of this and Sam wasn't going to abandon him now. It may never be fully better but Sam was slightly hopeful. Hope was all they had now.

 


End file.
